President One Night Only, who never in word or speech shall be maligned, has decreed that we shall gather together tonight in celebration of Christmas. One Night Only, who occasionally wrestles bears such as Tittyus boo boo, has designed our trail with cunning and skill, with no more and no less than two checks. It is dangerous to have more, for in SFH3, checks solve you.
We arrived with perfect weather condition, though our comrade Fuck Buddy was heard to remark that she felt a drizzle, she was quick to correct herself that it was but a refreshing mist. Yes Sir Yes She’s Fat informed us that he had never before seen such glorious trail, and Meh bleated in solidarity. Do Her Well gnashed her teeth and never had before been wanting a shower so badly, realizing that in SFH3, flour finds you.
Following a rousing jaunt, we regrouped at last at beer van, with Muff Daddy and Just Doesn’t Get It coming from the bushes, and Zippercised, Sleazy Like Sunday Whoring, and Cockamole wiping their mouths as well. Wrinklepecker and Udder Moron stepped back slightly. All would do well to remember that in SFH3, exercise avoids you.
The group was happy to reveal all matters of interest to our Religious Advisors Cockamole and Zippercised who only collect this information to aid in improvement of the lovely citizens who gather together with us. It was first discussed that Backside Banger had learned his beloved wife Roman Showers only has the hangovers so that she will never remember them, which is no surprise to Rhythm Method, who knows as we all do that in SFH3, hangovers suffer you.
Next we hear that Sleazy Like Sunday Whoring, due to a sudden fabric shortage, patriotically decreed that all men would be shirtless, and Douchicorn, Dick Simmons, Buck Fucka, and Brown Eye were forced into compliance. As the men demonstrated, in SFH3, chest hair grows you!
We also learn that citizens Six O’Nine, MUG, and Primal Vagina had grown at least one year older in the past week, and that Six O’Nine had traveled far and wide to tell us so. We celebrated another year of work for our brave men and women glorifying the mother hash and were proud to count another year closer to the grave with them. President One Night Only has a message for our celebrants: in SFH3 the years pass you!
We have also discovered that there were some among us who did not choose to spend past weeks in our lauded presence. We are sad to learn that Blowqueen, Tears of Semen, and Cunty Butler had found greener pastures and only returned when they learned what exactly was watering them, and so we hope that their punishment will be swift and just. On a related note we also said goodbye to Haolewood, who should be reminded that you don’t leave SFH3, SFH3 leaves you!
Finally, Just Melissa and Just Lauren happily watched as Just Helen was interrogated in front of the group and were pleased to see her laughing and giggling and not at all frightened by the bright eyes and white teeth shining back from the moonlight. She escaped at the last and discovered to her delight, she did not come for One Night Only, in SFH3 One Night Only comes for you!