From the Diary of Sub-Lieuitenant wHole Blow Out:
The Glen Park Expedition
Excitement fills the air; we’re just minutes away from heading into Glen Park and the crew is positively electric! Our captain, Blowqueen has assembled a bawdry group of explorers, but I’ve no doubt that his first mate, Tears of Seamen, will be able to keep the men in line. I cannot wait to see what adventures lay in store for us.
Only a few days into our journey and things are steady as it goes. Boatswain Shaft has been eagerly discovering trails for us to follow and so far he, Seaman Just Doesn’t Get It and Ensign Millimeter Peter display the utmost confidence in our direction. I have concerns about Petty Officer Cumming Mutha however. He seems a convictable sort and I question his activities among the men. But! The journey is young and perhaps my intuitions are wrong.
I fear for my life. The crew has split into factions and mutiny abounds. Capn. Blowqueen was caught in a rather embarrassing situation which caused 1st officer Tears of Seamen to run the crew towards certain peril. We are lost! Sub-Lieutenant Muff Daddy has taken command of a portion of the crew; he has even swayed Lt. Commander On All Fours towards his command! In the confusion, I saw myself bandied away by Midshipman Squeeze My Squid as we saw our crewmen, Oh Shit, Just Kara, Wee Wee, Just Jason, and Cherry Poppins disappearing into the heights. With no choice but to carry on with my mutinous brothers, we tarried forth into the darkness.
The worst and the best have occurred: Midshipman Squeeze My Squid declared knowledge of our terrain and, hopeful, we followed his boastful lead into yet another dead end. Awash with fear we sought hi and lo and discovered Leading Seamen Good Shit Lollicock toting a native babe he found resting in the ferns. Fueled by this sure token of good luck, we pressed onward through the shiggy in hopes we might stagger across our long lost crewmen’s footsteps and lo! None other than 1st Mate Tears of Seamen came stumbling from the underbrush! I fear she may have been marooned for too long as with a yelp! and a jump she dashed away into the night, not unlike the rabbits I used to hunt back home.
The crew is united once more! After the run in with 1st Mate Tears of Seamen we tracked her footprints for nigh on a fortnight (and I lost my quill!) until we came across a ragged encampment built into the very living ravine. It was our crew! Safe and sound, in one piece (well, aside from a nasty infestation of Crabs) we sallied forth into the wild. We managed to find the course laid by our Captain’s map and I write this to you now, dear journal, from the safe comfort of Sir Hand Pump, Esq.’s own pub and gastroemporium.