Congratulations!
Today is your first trail.
You're off on your caper!
'Get off!' yells Do Her Well.

Raspukin's got flour in hand.
Circle Jerk's chalk on the ground.
Infinite Butthole and Douchicorn's

Hearts start to pound

The pack's on their own. What the fuck do they know?
If Just Doesn't Get It's the guy who'll decide where to go.

Udder Moron looks up a street. Buck Fucka studies with care.
And Ru Ru Rimmin will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With Mary Tyler Whore's quick brains and Fuck Buddy's fast feet,
Deadbeat's too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

But Tonya Hardon may not find any
she'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
She'll follow Pepe out of town.

But she'll have much there to fear
for it's far from the beer.

Off trail things can happen
and frequently do
to hashers as brainless
and footsy as you.

And Millimeter Peter pops up,
Backwash and Roman Showers, too.
Just go back to trail.
Circle will start soon, don't stew.

Oh!
The hashes you'll go,

Oh, the hashers you'll do!

Dickweed's on his way up!
ABBAH's seen some great sights!
Mouth Down South, a high flier
Fucker's tired of late nights.

Shaft won't lag behind, The Perfect Woman's got the speed.
With Tuna On Top calling 'On On', Dick Ass Mother Fucker takes the lead.
Wherever you hash, you'll find our beer is the best.
Wherever you go, SFH3 tops all the rest.

Except that we don't.
Because, sometimes, we won't.


Sleazy will say so

and, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Screw-ups (not the good kind)
can happen to you.

But Hand Pump won't get hung up
On the troubles of the hash

Backside Banger will take the wheel

Muff Daddy grabs the cash

 


Circle is convened

Brown Eye takes the lead

Toys for Twats will sing your song

You'll drink for your misdeed.

 


And after you've been de-virginized

you're not in for much fun.
Getting yourself named
is not easily done.

Some will come to a place where the route is not marked.
Some closets are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place one could sprain both one's ass and chin!
Does something pop out? Do they seek what's within?
Just Josh will exit-- Hello Titties will come in!

 

Oh, the hashes you'll go! There is fun to be done!
A big party is coming. There is tail to be won.
Just Olivia will show you what you can do with that ball
It'll make The Uniballer the winning-est winner of all.
Primal Vagina will reveal all the things you can see,
When you join Whorifist at the next B2B.

So...
be your name Fuck Norris or Tears of Semen or Got Wood

or Just Yifang, or JUST NO FUCKING GOOD,
You're off the Great Places!
Today is your hash!
Another fucking hill is waiting.
Get something for that rash!