SF Hash Trash
October 17, 2005 *un #1171
“Eat My Big Fuckin Ass!”
The top 5 worst trails in SFH3 history:
|
Location |
Hares |
Trail Rating |
|
West Portal |
Rocky Mountain Oyster and Who’s Your Daddy |
Terrible |
|
West Portal |
|
Horrific |
|
West Portal |
Rocky Mountain Oyster and Who’s Your Daddy |
Excruciating |
|
West Portal |
Rocky Mountain Oyster all by himself with no help whatsoever not even to pick up snacks |
Disastrous |
|
West Portal |
Rocky Mountain Oyster and Cumin Mutha |
“Eat My Big Fuckin Ass”* |
*A new category of trail rating, read on…
Thanks to Eat My Pussy’s new searchable database of *uns, I was able to sort on the five worst hashes of all time. I’ve asked Pythagorass to see if he can run some algorithms that will help determine any commonalities between them. His initial thought was that he may have to invent a new math in order to get an answer, but could conceivably be accomplished by about spring of ’07 – stay tuned!
Oh yeah, “Eat My Big Fuckin Ass” is a brand new rating. Invented by Captain Organ…while on this *un! (quote verified and approved by Pocahumpus). Everything started out ok for an RMO *un, that is, until Fuck Buddy came along. At least that’s my side of the story. She showed up late, catching us on trail, and as soon as we saw her, things started going haywire. It was so bad, Beastie Boy had to intervene. “Shut up, Muff Snatcher!”. Then, “He’s right!” he yelled to FB. “Shut up! He’s right! Shut up! He’s right!”, Beastie repeated….until the quarrel stopped and we realized, along with Poca and few others, that we were totally without trail and pack. We finally found a reasonable facsimile thereof, and found Captain O, who subsequently coined the new *un rating,
“This is bullshit. Eat my big fuckin ass!” Ahh, that’s right, it’s not Fuck Buddy after all, we’re on an RMO *un!
A cool game to play: anytime you’re telling a story where things go awry, right before the bad part say, “And then? Fuck Buddy showed up.” Even people who don’t know her will nod their head and think, ooohh, nothing good is going to come of this…tell me more about Fuck Buddy showing up!!
The beer check was at RMOs home, a classic hallmark of an RMO *un. It was surprisingly well attended. The pack, thankful to still be anywhere in the city, hung out for quite a while enjoying the fresh keg. RMO is one of the most prolific trail setters in the hash, a Hare Raiser’s dream, says Little Willy. It doesn’t just seem like he sets one every month. He does, in fact. RMO was quoted as saying, “Quantity has a quality all of its own”.
Meanwhile, back at the keg.…..
Thumb decided that the keg was not cold enough, and thought to toss in a few ice cubes with each serving. Makes perfect sense to me. Hoseblower was called up to account for his Saturday night, much of which is lost. I guess he got home after the Oktoberfest without his t-shirt, but with a woman’s blue sock. And his phone was broken. He was seen just before the end of the Oktoberfest grinding with a certain female. If you see a woman wearing a yellow Dubrovnik t-shirt and one blue sock, please call 1-800-WHORACLE, a free new lost and found hotline offered to hashers. For an additional $17.99, you can be outfitted with a GPS system to track your previous night’s
escapades.
Love Monkey did a down down that I missed because when you’re taking notes people think it’s fun to talk to you. I’m serious, try it. If you’re at a party where you don’t know anyone, take out a pad and a pen and start taking notes (warning though: that’s exactly how Hoseblower’s troubles started at Oktoberfest). Anyway, I asked 5 people what the down down was for, no one knew. I guess it wouldn’t be the peanut gallery if they were paying attention. Motormount renamed Six Tits until he comes through with his promise to bring women to the hash. He is Titless until he
starts producing. Who’s the wanker on the laptop??? It’s Shaft, and he drank for getting his laptop out and showing people pictures of him surfing 6 inch waves. I think that’s a hash first.
Muff Snatcher