SF Hash Trash
November 14, 2005 *un #1176
Slug’s Virgin Hare Hugely Popular…
……with, let’s see, HAZMAT, the SFPD, the Department of Homeland Security, and all the way down to the rent-a-cop in his little toy pickup truck under Cupid’s Arrow, the start of the Slug/Muff Snatcher *un on a fine, crystal clear Monday evening. Oh sure, Slug and Muff Snatcher had to drink later for setting their *un under Cupid’s Arrow, but that wasn’t the story of the evening. Fire engines came screaming into the courtyard of the Palamino restaurant with the report of potential anthrax. Hoseblower, himself a man of uniform,
had to intervene, “C’mon, guys, anthrax is SO yesterday.” Has No Box offered, “You want some hazardous material? I haven’t changed underwear since June!”
But where was Fuck Buddy when Little Willy got pulled over by the Department of Homeland Security? That’s right, apparently the DHS, with word out that terrorists could be striking in the form of 50 nerdy whitebread runners, picked out the most likely leader, Little Willy, and decided to ask him why he was running and marking the sidewalk with chalk. In Fuck Buddy’s defense, she doesn’t work in the DHS counter-terrorist group. But she did offer her card to the agents, saying, “If you want to deport him, call me.” To which Willy responded, “Can I get deported to the country of my choice?”
Turns out Slug’s *un was also popular with the pack, as hashers weaved through South Beach and SOMA alleyways. There was even a threat of veering into
the hills of North Beach, but the pack was very relieved it was just a scare, proving that when Muff Snatcher and Ball Handler set *uns too long, it’s Ball Handler’s fault. Oh, did I say everyone liked it? Rocky Mountain Oyster did have some issues with it, and was happy to share how this wasn’t marked and that wasn’t done correctly. To which Muff Snatcher responded, “I’m aware my *uns suck, Rocky, it’s just that I don’t set one every month.”
Captain Cooter accompanied Muff Snatcher to the beer check at the Maritime Plaza. If you want to get some funny looks, here’s something fun to try. Take a keg into a park with just one other person, tap it, then just stand there drinking beer and talking. There’s all sorts of good comebacks to people who are checking you out in disbelief. Here were our favorites:
“Sorry, we couldn’t find a paper bag big enough.”
“What the hell are you talking about - do we look like we can spare a beer?”
“Of course it’s not just the two of us, we have another friend showing up in a couple of minutes.”
“A forty in the park is for wussies.”
That particular fun ended as Captain Cooter’s self-proclaimed supersonic bitch ears picked up Cumin Mutha’s FRB footsteps. BTW, I am NOT joking about those supersonic bitch ears. If you don’t want Captain Cooter to hear something, I would suggest going to another county first and making sure you have your back to wherever she is. Scary. Son of Shit tried to pants Muff Snatcher (come to think of it, he did a damn good job). Anyway, it did make me a little nervous, what with SOS’s whole “gay” world that he is so enthralled with. Ask him about it, he loves to talk about it. While you’re at it, ask him how his Eagles did this
weekend….But alas, it was all in fun. Slug later wondered why girls don’t “bra” each other?? GOOD question! Then, we wouldn’t have to yell out that annoying, “Tits out for the boys!”, which all too often fails!
It was then to the down down circle, and our friend the rent-a-cop. Can you imagine getting assigned this gig? Patrolling Cupid’s Arrow? It was kind of funny because he knew something was up when 50 people gathered around blocking “his” sidewalk. So he came by a couple of times, yelling at us to quit blocking the path. Which we all soundly ignored. After a while, his finely tuned instincts finally picked up on the fact that, oh, it’s 50 people drinking
out of a keg!! (he’s got a long ways to go before rising to the ranks of DHS agent). But….paydirt! And he kicked us out of his little domain. What did we do? We totally threw him off by moving about 50 yards away, practically right on the Embarcadero, where Motormount conducted speed down downs.
Fill’r Up drank for her impending move to Houston. Don’t try and stop her, she’s already gone. Muff
Snatcher and Slug drank for, A) being hares, even though everyone loved the *un, and, B) for setting it at Cupid’s Arrow. If it was intentional, what would the cheese rating on that be? It was then on to Gordon Biersch afterwards for the ononon.
Muff Snatcher