SF Hash Trash 2005: The Closing of the Year Since we last spoke, a lot has happened. Shit has gone down. For example, since we last spoke… The Snoball occurred. Well, it didn’t so much occur as it…happened. No, not quite right either. Unfolded. Yes, unfolded. The Snoball unfolded. One santa hat at a time. Stroke & Blow and her “Mismanagement” crew put on a party to be remembered, although I can only come up with about 7 minutes of it myself. We started with fine Indian dining at Kennedy’s, followed by a trolley ride to Fiddler’s Green. We sang Christmas carols on the trolley, but not the kind you learned in school. A perfectly crafted, layered buzz turned wasteland. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are two Men’s Whorehouses. I know what you’re thinking. Sure, Muff Snatcher, and that night there were two Stroke & Blows, and two Captain Cooters, and two Just Doesn’t Get Its and two Fiddlers Greens….But that’s not what I’m talking about. There really are two Men’s Whorehouses. Evil Men’s Whorehouse and Good Men’s Whorehouse. Good Men’s Whorehouse is your buddy. Always a smile. You can grab a beer with Good Men’s Whorehouse. Evil Men’s Whorehouse hands out bottles of “Gatorade”. Funny, though, he still smiles when he’s being evil (which is the really evil part). But, as it turned out, the “Gatorade” had very little Gatorade in it. In fact, it only had – wait let me check the ingredients, I have the recipe here………….....got it. Yes, the Gatorade had exactly ZERO Gatorade in it. It did, however, have a lot of fun juice in it. That’s about the last I remember. Waving goodbye to Evil Men’s Whorehouse before boarding the trolley car. Since we last spoke… Nutlicker both lost and found her trench coat. Unfortunately, though, the return of an item is a disqualifier for the Hand Job/Whoracle “Oops I lost my shit!” sweepstakes. But, good effort Nutlicker! Slug’s scarf never turned up, but I’m afraid she’s got a ways to go before achieving elevated status. At one point at Fiddlers Green, Muff Daddy had not one, not two, not three, but four hats on. “And he’s the sober one,” explained Joe Pubic Hair to an innocent bystander. Where’s My Vagina, dressed in a low-cut top, had an epiphany late in the evening as her chest felt yet another healthy spilling of beer. “Damn it, I keep spilling my beer! …..hmmm, I wonder if I always spill this much and I just never feel it….”. Since we last spoke… Hoseblower has sat through 17 showings of Brokeback Mountain. He cried at the first 16 showings, then stopped when he just didn’t have another tear to shed. This movie has put us harriette-loving guys in quite a conundrum, however. It’s supposed to be a great movie. But If I go to see it, am I subconsciously thinking about being gay? If I don’t go, why not? What am I afraid of?…What to do??? I offered to see it with Slug on the condition that I could make out with her the entire time, but she said no. Whatever! What the hell - Hoseblower, what are you doing next Thursday? Speaking of Hoseblower, he has also set a record for number of hashers piled into his civic on New Year’s Eve. That would be nine. While Glory Hole and Fuck Buddy strapped on a seatbelt in the front, myself, Slug, Jizzard, Where’s My Vagina, Just Jim and Just Greg piled into the back for the ride across town to the next party at about 1:30 a.m. For the most part, we were paired up pretty well. But as we were all complaining, one unfortunate Just Greg yelled, what the hell are you guys complaining about, I’ve got a dude on my lap! At which point Hoseblower began to hum the theme to Brokeback Mountain… Hand Job for Humanity claims to have not lost a single item on New Year’s. Her secret? “Duct tape”, she responded, “I just fucking duct taped everything to myself. Phone, credit cards, earrings, watch. Not just any duct tape, though, you can see I’ve included the latest lines from Paris.” Since we last spoke… Cums Quickly set her annual post Christmas *un. A small but always very fun crowd. She didn’t have much faith in us, however, and only got a pony keg for the pack of twenty. Strange Down There drank for cutting off a fire truck on her way to the start at the end of Van Ness. A ticket followed. Ball Handler drank for being defeated by Son of Shit in the quad dipsea, his first victory over a girl. Ever. Cums Quickly drank for her penchant for Little Schoolboys. And, newbie Just Aya, invited by none other than Titless, was named 2 out of 6 Ain’t Bad. The ononon was a decision by committee, and we ended up at Jacks. Since we last spoke… Who’s Your Daddy set the first *un of the year a run starting at Glen Park Station. Showing up was visitor DSL from a Japanese hash. WYD had to ask what that stood for, and later drank for it. Dick Sucking Lips of course. We climbed to the heights of Glen Park, including many false trails up and down steps. Lame Dane was visiting from Copenhagen. According to her, we at the SFH3 are “party lions”. Happy birthday was sung to Oyster Bed. Muff Snatcher --------------------------------- Yahoo! Photos Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in your hands ASAP.