SF Hash Trash
  Hash #1187, January 30, 2006
   
  Little Willy Cracks Down on the SFH3!!
   
           Private parties are a fundamental right of every San Francisco hasher. But it just got harder to have one. RA Little Willy implemented something new quiz of sorts. But not the kind like when you were in school, and you had, like, two hours to recall at will every little detail of what you learned over the last 5 months. This is a quiz wherein you’re required to know something, and get this, immediately after you learn it. Don’t be fooled, though, it is actually harder than you think. Little Willy addressed the pack, “OK everybody, I’m going to show you a little something I picked up in Russia.” To which a collective, “Noooooooooo….”, was heard as everyone turned away. “No, I’m not going to show you that!,” said Willy, “I’m talking about a game”. Here are the rules: immediately after a down down, Willy would call on a random hasher to identify the hasher and the crime that just occurred. If you fail, you drink.
   
           I have to tell you, although it seemed a bit anal to me to ask such questions, the pack did seem to straighten up, as Little Willy’s anal probing of Glory Hole proved effective. “Glory Hole, who is this and what’s the crime?” “Muff Snatcher!”, exclaimed Glory Hole, “for reporting inacurracies in last week’s account.” Yes, turns out I overlooked a certain naming last week, as I erroneously made a reference to Just Jessica. And I drank for it. Little Willy said she cried at the oversight, which made me feel bad. I actually had her name, and her hash name written down. But two things about that. First, sometimes I can’t read my own notes, and second, sometimes it seems people stand up there for 10 minutes as names start flying, and I’m not always sure whether or not they got a name (to which Oh Shit aptly pointed out that we usually sing a song immediately afterwards with the hasher’s new name in it, duh Muff Snatcher). I shoulda figured that out but hey, I’m often too busy
 scratching out unitelligible notes in the pitch dark. But yes, Just Jessica got named The Other White Meat. Turns out she’s a vegetarian…..with the ever so slight exception that she eats bacon. Why can’t there be a name for that? Oh yeah, I think they do have a name – it’s called not being a vegetarian.
   
           Hare Satellite Dick drank for announcing that he was pulling out. Rocky Mountain Oyster made a bold leap over a fence only to find out the gate was actually open the whole time. But he fared better than Raspukin, who performed a full-on face plant during the *un. I’m not sure why Fuck Buddy had to go up, but it is worth noting that L-E-S-B-I-A-N was sung to her for the 107th time. Asked why, FB replied, “Uhhh, hello. I’m from Lesbia, Washington…..?? What don’t you get about that??”
   
           Just Rich was on a mission for Men’s Whorehouse, word has it. He was supposed to give an envelope to “a guy in a hat”, and so he started going up to every guy who was wearing a hat, asking him if he was expecting an envelope. And you know how these things go…..I mean, looking for men in hats? He may as well have been acting out scenes from Brokeback Mountain with Hoseblower. When Just Rich saw that nothing good was going to come of this, all he could do was stand there while he got named Bareback Mounting.
   
           Just Kerry drank for being a newbie, and she chose to show a body part. The crowd hushed as she turned her back to get ready to flash. But the pack was disappointed. It was either an elbow or a very very bad boob job.
   
           My moles also informed me that Dirty Nellies had no idea the hash was coming, leaving them totally unprepared, thereby forcing hashers to drink more. And where was hare Motormount?? Nowhere to be seen apparently….
   
  (note: I never reveal the source of my information. It is tried and true journalism credo. However, please be aware that if the information turns out to be wrong, and I am turned in for a crime, I will sqeal on the bastard in a second)
   
           Finally, Jizzard had a little spelling issue. You know how they say be careful what you put in writing? Well, they should add be especially careful what you write in large white letters on the sidewalk in front of a group that tends be less than forgiving of not-so-bright but honest mistakes. Hares, not hairs, set runs, for the record. I’d like to know what Jizzard has been thinking every time Little Willy sends out his emails looking for hares, though…
   
   
  Muff Snatcher