SF Hash Newsletter
  Hash #1196, April 03, 2006
   
  Giant Light Appears in Sky!!
   
           I was talking to someone the other day about writing. This person knew nothing at all about the hash, so I happened to mention that I write the “newsletter” for my “running group”.  I felt like I was saying, “Hi, I’m Jimmy Olson, I write for the Daily Press”. Newsletter. Running Group. (ha, good one, I said to myself…).
   
           So, yes, the sun also rises. A flash of light also arose from the east bay, as we were comforted by the fact that, somewhere, Splat was mooning once again. A dry pack gathered at the end of Funston at Mountain Lake Park on Monday April 3rd for an “inner” richmond hash set by Hand Job for Humanity and Cum Guzzling Cockaholic, both of them new residents. And for the first time in who knows how long, the weather cooperated. Did you notice that even though they now live on the edge of inner richmond, the trail did not set one foot in the “central richmond”, where Hand Job used to live? Asked about this, HJ said, “There’s no looking back, dude it’s the hood out there in central richmond.”
   
  A live hare got underway oh, at about half past when-we’re-damn-good-and-ready-o’clock, as HJ and Guzzler finally started off. But you can’t beat the pack at their own game, as we got going at precisely we-left-when-we-fucking-felt-like-leaving-cos-we-were-standing-around-forever-waiting-for-this-fucking-thing-to-start-which-was-probably-like-5-minutes-after-the-hares-left. At most. O’clock.
   
  The *un started out through the richmond, where Bend Over Baby sprinted to get a handful of Straight to Hell’s ass. The pack then climbed up to USF, and down through the panhandle, the haight, and into the top of GG Park. Here, the crafty hares split up, with a live eagle and a live turkey trail. Personally, I never saw the split, but HJ’s *un through the park was spectacular, including a sunset that’s been long overdue. Word has it The Guzz ran out of flour, but somehow miraculously kept everyone on trail. We all ended up at the Rose Garden for a beer check. HJ was curious if we stayed on her trail. No, she wasn’t curious, she was like, grilling us. Actual conversation:
   
  HJ: Did you guys go through the Aids Memorial Grove?
  Huevos Verdes: Ummm, I don’t know.
  HJ (face scrunched up in disbelief): I can’t believe you didn’t go through the Aids Memorial Grove.
  Huevos Verdes: Ummm, I don’t know.
  HJ (now visibly irritated): Are you sure, it’s beautiful. Man, that pisses me off.
  Muff Snatcher: Well, we went through this little thing that had like, really cool round formations and lots of cool plants and stuff.
  HJ: That was it! You did! 
  Verdes Huevos: Ummm, ok.
   
  Back to the circle at the Mountain Lake Park Playground…
   
  Competitive T-shirts: Glory Hole drank for wearing his Double Dipsea T-shirt, as did Malice from Vancouver for wearing an American River 50 T-shirt. Fuck Buddy drank for, and here is where my notes get a little sketchy. All I can make out is “Fuck Buddy couldn’t (blank) in her bra.” Can’t quite make out the word. So, let’s see, what would fit…..oh, of course, fit. Must have been Fuck Buddy couldn’t fit in her bra. (those last few sentences speak volumes on the male thought process, btw). I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, good or bad. No, wait. I guess I am. It’s right, and it’s good. 
   
  Fucker drank for nursing a groin injury. Or was it for injuring a nurse’s groin. Or was that grope. Ah – that’s it – groping an injured nurse!! Now it makes sense. Damn those notes!!! OK, it was actually nursing a groin injury. Apparently happened as a result of carrying around huge wads of cash. And you think it’s easy being rich. Walk a mile in his shoes… he also drank for, and I quote, “irritating the fuck out of people.” After a shaky start, Just Priscilla was named 9 ½ Wanks. Straight to Hell drank for licking his fingers and putting them back in the bag (there’s all kinds of places I could go with that one, were it not a “running group newsletter”). Just Milana drank just for being new, and HJ and Guzz drank for their “no losers” party over the weekend. Damn nouveau riche. The party continued at a new venue, the New Hearth on Geary, where the jukebox was dominated by the sounds of a Huevos Verdes/James Brown duo.
   
  Muff Snatcher