SF Hash Trash The Pink Tutu *un Hash #1203, May 22, 2006 “Please Report Any Disturbances You See” -- Sign noted by Barely ManBelow just a few feet from the beer check at Alice Marble Tennis Courts in Russian Hill, just after Stroke & Blow, Muffalotta, Who’s Your Daddy, and Just Doesn’t Get It “bared all” for a Voyeur photo op. Although the “BA crew” stole the limelight, the rest of the pack also looked pretty damn swank, each pink tutu perfectly setting off the usual mundane running attire. But it turns out there was a disturbance worth reporting, and I’m not speaking of the incident above. In fact, Russian Hill residents appreciated a little spice in their Monday evening. I am speaking of Huevos Verdes. Whether or not he was wearing a pink tutu, I honestly cannot tell you. It was hard not to be blinded by the tight white leotard that covered him from head to toe. And did I mention the white ballet slippers? He actually carried running shoes in his during the hash, but in the end he didn’t need them. HV ran the entire hash in those damn white ballet slippers. At the circle, Fucker (who showed up afterwards because he just can’t bring himself to play along) said, “Huevos, what is it with you and dressing up?” HV replied, “Fucker, what is it with you and not dressing up?” It was a perfect Mexican standoff, the likes of which I had never seen. As such, I took the liberty of researching some history of the Mexican Standoff. As suspected, one has never occurred wherein one of the participants was wearing a white ballet outfit. I fired off an email to the appropriate Mexican authorities just to see if we could find out and potentially establish history. I’m getting ahead though, aren’t I? The perfectly pink evening started at Aquatic Park for the traditional post B2B Pink Tutu Run, put on by hares Fuck Buddy and Where’s My Vagina. Provided for the tutu-less was a garbage bag full of pink tutus. I hesitated until the kind hares advised me that I better grab one of the “good” ones before they’re gone. Not wanting to discover myself in a “bad” pink tutu, whateverthefuck that may be, I lept for the bag like grandma going after a blue light special. The pack elicited the customary gawks along the trail that took us through Fisher Man’s Wharf, North Beach, and Russian Hill. Hand Job for Humanity, passing by the Northstar, asked the crowd outside, “Does anyone know where Bay to Breakers is??” The beer check was spectacular, with great views of the bay. The 50 or so pink tutus posed for a picture on the steps of the tennis courts. The circle was busy, to say the least. Satellite Dick, Where’s My Vagina, Huevos Verdes, Banana Splits, Sticky Butt, Circle Jerk, and Barely Manbelow all took front and center to show off their creativity in a costume contest. The winner? Either no one won, or I forgot to write it down. Or, I am still blocking out the trauma of seeing Huevos. One thing for sure, though, all the costumes kicked ass. Circle Jerk drank for watching his sister Full of Shit hoola hoop naked at HJ4H and Cum Guzzling Cockaholic’s house Sunday after B2B. R.A. Beastie Boy held a “best parenting” award, to be contested between Jizzard and Candy Ass. Apparently Jizzard left the stroller without the brake on to make a dash for the keg. Candy Ass’s crime was scolding Kensie, “Kensie, if you don’t eat your chicken nuggets, there will be NO BEER at the bar for you.” It was a toss up in the end. Who’s Your Daddy drank as we said goodbye to him for 4 months while he lives “la vie francais”. Depressed over this, our Reverend Itchy Stick protested by putting himself on a nothing-but-cheese diet. Not such a wise move, as Reverend Itchy’s butt protested by going on strike. It wasn’t until he bathed in Metamusil and took a day off of work that his ass finally went “back to work.” Fuck Buddy was busy over the B2B weekend. Very busy. The final count of incidents of “hospitality” was unverified. But I have a feeling as we speak, there is a lot of verification going on outside of California. She drank. Nutlicker drank for “never having been so wet at Bay to Breakers.” Stroke & Blow and Who’s Your Daddy, their B2B swan song complete for their year as GMs, were overcome by a rendition of “Four more years!!” by the pack. Backwash and Barry Manbelow drank for dragging everyone to the false trail at the top of Coit Tower. The Hash Bash Crew got up to drink for their participation in making it a great weekend for all. Newbie Just Hector wore new shoes. But it was Mr. Logic who drank out of them, but not before being filtered by JH’s sweaty socks. Before I sign off, I just got an email back from Mexico City, which I will share with you: “Dear Senior Snatcher, thank you for your inquiry into our great tradition of the Mexican Standoff. I read your story and viewed the attached photograph with great interest. However, I regret to inform you that we must turn down your application to be recorded in our books. While I have no doubts there were moments of great fear, basically we have a man named “Green Eggs” dressed in a white leotard and brandishing a fairy’s wand. Please do not be offended at my suggestion that you have a little work to do on your Mexican Standoffs (hint: next time think firearms, fu manchus, and a caballero or two). Until then, may all you standoffs be resolved peacefully.” “P.S. Please remind George W. that mexicans are people, spanish is a language, he’s welcome for J. Lo, and my grandmother can build better fences.” Muff Snatcher --------------------------------- Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US (and 30+ countries) for 2¢/min or less.