SF Hash Trash Hash #1206, June 12, 2006 Little Willy – COME BACK!! Back in the day(like, 2 weeks ago), there used to be 3 groups of hashers on any given hash. There was the pack (that’s most of us), the FRBs (the chosen few), and then Little Willy. And, before even the FRBs arrived at a check, Little Willy had already checked at least 82% of all trail options. And if he found trail, he would come running back to make sure everyone got on trail. Yeah, we got spoiled, soft. Well those days are gone. But did we appreciate Little Willy while he was here? Of course we did, are you kidding? We didn’t have to do shit when he was here. And we loved him for it. And if he wasn’t so damn trail-savvy, we could try yelling, “False Trail!!” to him now. But all we’d hear is silence. Do you hear it? Well get used to it, because that’s the sound of no one fucking checking. Which no one did at Jizzard’s hash, starting at the Hamilton Rec Center at Scott and Post on a clear, warm almost summer evening. It was a tour de Pac Heights, Japantown, and Western Addition, and included a nice manuever where trail led through the hallways of the Japanese Cultural and Trade Center, then later came back directly underneath it along Webster St. During the run, three young studs (hereunder referred to as fresh meat – thanks to Hand Job for Humanity), were recruited by hash ambassador HJ4H (guess she took lessons from Fuck Buddy), and by Joe Pubic Hair’s offering of virgin-like Princess Slut (disclaimer: virgin-like contains no actual virgin material, and should not be construed as such, but it totally seems like it sometimes). It proved to be too much for the Fresh Meat to resist, as they joined in the fun. Speaking of fresh meat, even returning hashers Son of Shit and Chamber Pot showed. SOS was just coming off his 60th marathon AND a big birthday celebration: 60@60 (60 years old, 60 marathons – good job!). The beer check was at Kimbell playground at Geary and Steiner, and the highlight was the chalk talk given by hare Jizzard. Yes, in an obvious tribute to Who’s Your Daddy, Jizzard drew his entire trail on the asphalt, and was joined by fellow play-by-play commentator Straight to Hell as they relived every step of trail. The sun was still shining when we got back to the circle. The keg was slowly draining, although Nutlicker, with a faraway gaze in her eyes, all of a sudden exclaimed, “OH, A BUDWEISER, I’M SO THERE!!” And off she went. When you think of the countless millions that Budweiser must spend every year, I can’t help but think that if they had a camera there that night, their $5 would have gone a long ways….and if Red Vines had been there, they might have caught a glimpse of Captain O with about 47 red vines crammed into his mouth. Again, cheap advertising. Speaking of Captian O, the Acme Night Light company might be interested in footage of him coming home very drunk last Friday night and peeing on the closet door (asked about it later, he replied, “Closet doors are made from wood. Wood comes from trees. It’s ok to pee on trees. Helloooo.”). He did drink for it (and subsequently looked for a closet door). Hard and Lengthy apparently found some fresh meat of her own, a 20-year-old who tried to impressed her with a quick flash. Here’s one thing you don’t want to hear if you flash a harriette, “Oh, do they still call it a dick when it’s that small?” Crabs drank because we can all thank him for the mass confusion on the Fremont St. turnoff off the bay bridge. These are your tax dollars. These are your tax dollars on Crabs. A dance-off between Glory Hole, Titless, and Joe Pubic Hair took place, and Glory Hole emerged victorious. Deadbeat drank for telling MotorMount he has a “gay-ass car”. Guest R.A. Little Beef called Jizzard up for allowing Crabs to babysit his kids (a real “who’s babysitting who?” scenario if you ask me), and for having Muff Daddy do the beer check. Just Vanessa drank for even being associated with Naked Hasher and Titless. Finally, Straight to Hell was called up for being a wanker on the cell phone. The ononon was at the Fishbowl. The Fishbowl is fun, I know this by experience. But, if you had hung out at the keg just a wee bit longer, you might have joined in on a game of “I Never” with 2 x Whore, Hoseblower, Stroke & Blow, Slug, Fucker, Muff Snatcher, Cum Guzzling Cockaholic, MotorMount, and Hand Job For Humanity. Suffice to say things were revealed. People drank when you least expected them to. The “I Never” of the night? “I’ve never gone down on a woman.” It’s a little fuzzy now, but I’m pretty sure more than five drank on that one. Muff Snatcher --------------------------------- Do you Yahoo!? Next-gen email? Have it all with the all-new Yahoo! Mail Beta.