SFH3 Trash Hash #1211, July 17, 2006 “Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?” -- Garth I care about how I look in my red dress. There, I said it, and I feel much better. Vanity is not respective of the “classification” of the attire, it turns out. It makes sense if you think about it. Let’s say that wearing a red dress is a given, as any true hasher would think about it. Now, one of two things can happen. You can look good in your red dress or you can look bad in your red dress. I choose to look good. Simple. Now, it so happens that I did not in fact look good, as many (mostly guys) noted that I was wearing the same red dress that I have worn for at least two years. Bitch. But back to my point, we all want to look good in our red dresses, and I think I can speak for all male hashers when I say this. All except for one. And that would be Straight to Hell. Straight to Hell did not care how he looked, and apparently was not aware of the show he was putting on as the back of his tiny skirt kept flipping up as he ran – to reveal, let’s just say a “deficiency in the under garments area”. As the pack rambled down Chestnut Street early on, Slug and Steak and a Blow Job were mesmerized by STH’s size 2 mini skirt (Bitch, they were overheard to say). And as the two of them wondered if he in fact did not have any underwear on, Muff Snatcher was busy praying that his shoes would stay tied. But I have to admit, STH, you looked smokin’ hot. Bitch. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you, turns out STH had a thong on. That’s worse. So much worse. So, welcome to the San Francisco Hash Harriers annual Red Dress Run at Aquatic Park, sponsored by hares Cumin’ Mutha, Where’s My Vagina, and Fuck Buddy. The trail included not one, but two turkey/eagle splits. Trail led past the parking garage on Pierce, where a crafty circle jerk was thrown in. “What are you running for??”, asked an innocent bystander, noting the sea of red, to which 2 x Whore responded, “Beeeeeeeeeeeer!!”. “But there’s BABIES in those strollers!!” they yelled back. “Don’t worry”, replied 2 x Whore, “THEY’LL get beer too, if they’re good!!” The *un wrapped up with a beer check out by the Fort Mason exhibit halls on the bay. It was nice but quite breezy, noted Straight to Hell. Brand new hashers Just Ricardo and Just Ken hashed like rock stars. When you make the red dress your first hash, it deserves respect. Just Ricardo took some sage advice to heart – if you want to make sure no one recognizes you, wear sunglasses. “Great idea!”, said Just Ricardo, ignoring the slight flaw in that strategy when you are a 6’5” Brazilian wearing a red dress. Just Ken, coming up on the Marina monkey bars, saw Joe Serious Triathlete doing pullups, and so ran over to pump out a few himself, yes right next to Joe Serious Triathlete. Now, Just Ken’s dress could only be described as “motherly”, big, long, flowing with lots of flowery things on it. “My grandmother can do more pullups!”, yelled Muff Snatcher, followed by, “Wait, that IS my grandmother!!” It’s a mystery to me how Joe Serious Triathlete managed to witness all of this without so much as breaking a smile, but he did. Then again, we are spending our Monday night wearing red dresses, *unning, and drinking beer, and he is spending his Monday night doing pullups on the monkey bars (not that there’s anything wrong with doing pullups at the monkey bars, and sorry to that portion of the primate population for the dated and potentially politically incorrect reference to “monkey” bars). While I’m at it, no offense to triathletes or grandmothers either. The Best Dressed List of the 2006 Red Dress *un was a veritable who’s who of the Best Dressed of the 2006 Red Dress *un, somewhat ironically. Huevos Verdes, Banana in Public, Joe Pubic Hair, Stroke & Blow, Where’s My Vagina, Tom Thumb, Piss Pot, and Tits for Hire all earned a stroll down the runway. Finally, what would a red dress *un be without the annual condom blow up contest between On All Fours and Cumin’ Mutha (heck, it’s the only time CM gets to see a condom actually expand…). But this year? On All Fours kicked his ass. The ononon was at Jack’s, it was hashers and beers as far as they eye can see… Muff Snatcher --------------------------------- How low will we go? Check out Yahoo! Messenger’s low PC-to-Phone call rates.