SFH³Trash

Hash #1221, September 25, 2006

Top 3 denials in recorded history:

"I am not a crook" - Richard Nixon

"I did not have sex with that woman" - Bill Clinton

"...Where's My Vagina and I are NOT, we repeat NOT, lesbians..."

-- Hare extraordinaire Fuck Buddy

One can only imagine how differently history might have turned out for the former two had they just thought to use the simple but all powerful "...I repeat NOT" declaration. Just like, "I know you are, but what am I?", no comeback has ever been successful. Now, you must also note the more subtle genius in her denial: use of all caps for "NOT". Here again, our apparently experienced politicians have erred grevously in this omission. For Fuck Buddy has fought L-E-S-B-I-A-N with NOT. Clearly, NOT cancels out L-E-S-B-I-A-N, right? Such was the preemptive denial of Fuck Buddy in her email to the list about her *un to be set with Where's My Vagina. So I think I should probably take this time to clear up what is now an obvious, significant misunderstanding. It's been a lot of fun, but let's set the record straight (pun intended) once and for all: Where's My Vagina has never been accused of being a lesbian!! And so, Fuck Buddy instructed, we were all to bring our own lesbians (BYOL).

(True story: Slug's friend Bitch on the Side, an east bay harriette attending her first SFH3, emailed Slug earlier in the day and said, are we really supposed to bring lesbians? I could definitely invite some.)

Credit to Fuck Buddy, however, because the persistant accusations did not stop her and co-hare Where's My Vagina from setting a great trail, beginning at the Noe Valley Tennis Courts at Douglass and 24^th. The trail wound through Noe, and down through Glen Canyon Park, where marks disappeared for a short while. Just Doesn't Get It climbed up a steep hillside to no avail, but remained there in order to keep the high ground. Asked later about his expert trail checking technique, JDGI replied, "I climbed up a hillside to no avail, then I remained there in order to keep the high ground."

The trail continued on through Glen Park, with stunning views of the last of fall daylight fading on our beautiful city in the distance. Clever alleyway excursions and stairs finally led to the beer check at the top of a hill. There was a strong but very warm wind blowing across, and some suggested we do down downs right there. Awesome trail, many were heard to say.

Who's Your Daddy, back from hiatus in France, had to drink for returning just before his "term" of GM is up. Titless drank because his girlfriend, Just....(ah, almost got me - remember, he's still trying to figure out her name, I'm not going to make it so easy on you, T). Anyway, she just moved in (hint: look at her mail), and was caught off guard because she said she'd be ready in 10 minutes and it turned out to be 90. Hoseblower drank because, after a long night of partying and hot tubbing, he ended up at 9 ½ Wanks house, where he proceeded to fall asleep petting her pussy. Asked for more detail, 9 ½ Wanks explained, "I was lying naked in my bed and all Hoseblower wanted to do was play with my cat. I was afraid for my cat." Splat found a mountain bike on trail and started practicing for the circus with his rendition of "Bear riding bike". Who was the idiot who came up with the idea of putting a bear on a bike in the first place? Is it perhaps natural? If you went to live in an extremely remote part of Montana to personally witness the life of the Grizzly, and after months of careful tracking and observation you came across a bunch of them mountain biking, wouldn't that piss you off? I'm mean, there goes months of your life and your National Geographic spread...

Just Dan, after a couple of years of hashing, finally got named. Every other time he sensed he was about to be named, he would mysteriously disappear before down downs. But Hand Job For Humanity caught him this time, and subsequently had him named Premature Evacuation. And yes, we did sing the LESBIAN song to Fuck Buddy, and she took it in good humor and fierce denial along with Just Kelly. Asked how she felt, Just Kelly said, "Well, frankly, I've never been accused of being a lesbian."

Fuck Buddy, maybe try N-O-T next time? I'm just trying to help.