SF Hash Trash

Run 1258 May 7th 2007

 

            Sometimes it works out just fine to be late to the hash. I saw hashers on trail as I  approached the start, but had to find parking still. As I searched for an open spot, I was shocked to see Muff Daddy playing bumper tag to extricate a large white truck loaded with kegs from a tight spot. “Who would be stupid enough to let MD drive his truck?”, I wondered. Speaking of stupid, rather than waiting for him to vacate a most excellent parking spot, I drove on a block or two. But wait, not so stupid after all. It allowed me to watch the beer check truck drive up the very same block and turn left. Now on foot, I followed the path of the truck to try to find the beer check. After long years of hashing, my half-mind instincts turned out to be correct, and I found it easily.

            Not content to hang out exchanging witticisms with Muff Daddy, I started off uphill to try to find some trail and other hashers. Sure enough, I ran into Reverend Itchy Stick, then FRBs Who’s Your Daddy, Gay Little Wizard, and Straight to Hell. All were lost, looking for trail. I said, “I know where the beer check is”. FRBs are as lazy as the rest of us, so three out of four took the shortcut with me. To be fair, we did TRY to find trail again. Just not very hard. We surmised that we were ahead of the hares and went straight to the beer.

            When the hares finally arrived, Motormount, Jizzard, and Who’s Your Daddy launched into a trail discussion. WYD reported that he “did everything behind Safeway”. As Fuck Buddy later suggested, I wouldn’t go behind that Safeway for a while. We don’t want to know what WYD “did” back there.

            Not patient enough to wait for the DFL, Motormount (aha-the one stupid enough to let Muff Daddy drive his vehicle!) drove away with Udder Moron and Snowball 37 still attached to the keg.

            Other notable crimes included Princess Slut having her 21st birthday, Fucker running 7 miles with ankle weights, then showing up to the circle in pantaloons, and Cum Guzzling Cockaholic making the insightful observation that “the sooner we get to the beer check, the sooner we get to drink beer”. That’s what a PhD is for, right Guzz? Udder Moron drank for taking a detour to Twin Peaks with Captain Organ (mysteriously absent). Perhaps they just wanted to be alone. Just Scott fled before he would have to drink out of his “new” shoes, but Straight to Hell called up 9½ Wanks to drink for him. There was something about Japan, and Hand Job for Humanity was still confused about whether 9½ Wanks is Japanese or Chinese. Does it really matter, after all? Aren’t we all the same on the inside? Don’t we all drink our beer the same way? Where’s My Vagina drank for leaving. Someday. She was accused of leaving because she was not getting regular sex, and Rocky Mountain Oyster volunteered to give her irregular sex. No wonder she’s leaving. Someday, we’ll be asking, “Where’s Where’s My Vagina?” Crabs drank for causing the 580 to collapse. He was made to collapse for an ON YOUR KNEES BITCH down-down. No Hands drank for leaving his dog Just Sam in the car, inspiring a nasty note from a neighborhood resident and a less than inspirational name for Just Sam (Hot, Horny & Lonely was not appreciated by the pack. It was tabled.) Visitors Pisspyle from Okinawa (?) and Brotherly Love from Thailand (or something like that--who can tell those Asian countries apart, anyway?) came bearing gifts (especially after HJ4H showed her tits while Guzz went home to shower--don’t you know how group sex works, Guzz?). Straight to Hell called your scribe Wet Nurse up, hoping for more of the same. Keep hoping, STH. I’d rather drink warm flat beer than show body parts to the pack. A private showing, however, is negotiable....

            Finally, the hares Motormount and Jizzard drank for their shitty trail. Between Jizzard running in fear from the savage pack on his trail and Motormount being foolish enough to let “excellent driver” Muff Daddy drive his work truck, they might have half a mind.

            A few eager hashers went straight to the On On On at Noe Valley Tavern (Straight to Hell, Joe Pubic Hair, Wet Nurse, Just Joe, Brotherly Love). Hours later (or so it seemed), the rest of the pack finally kicked the keg and went to the bar.