Hash Trash Reader’s Digest Condensed Version
Now that the writer’s strike is over, I can resume writing the trash for all you fine folks. My memory goes all
the way back to the run that had the trail end at my favorite party house ever, SOS’s. 1/7/08, Remember? That’s
the one that had tons of people show up in their best running clothes because they thought that the video creep
Just Loren was going to be filming his/her hoity-toity d o c u m e n t a r y about the hash. Don’t even get me
started on how many emails flooded our very busy inboxes about what his/her name shouldn’t be (yeah, no one grieves
more than DMF about such things).
Anyway, the reason I remember the run so much was because it stood out in so many ways. First, F***er was the
hare and he was so nice about sweeping the trail. One such exchange went something like, “This is almost the last
hill, can you hurry up a bit?” “Fuck you, you fucking bastard!” Even though he was first hare who ever swept
a trail, he still managed to not wait long enough for Whorizon, who called me from just outside of Glen Park Canyon
asking for directions back.
It also stood out because it was the first time the RA’s F***er and CM delivered a funny story line lasting longer
than 15 seconds that neither bored us nor had some unruly hasher hijacking the drama. It involved Muff Daddy,
Oh Shit, and Raspukin following CM's directions as he led us all in teaching STH a lesson in how to graciously
accept an offer of a blow job. The downdown included everything a direct instruction lesson should include: a
more or less captive audience, a demonstration and modeling of expected outcomes, practice with help from the instructor,
and then mastery of said lesson by pupil. Okay guys, you now know what to ask STH if you sidle up next to him
while he's running. After F*cker and CM's brilliant tutorial, he will now give you the correct response. How
lucky for us all.
The only other crime I remember was On All Fours who got her T-Shirt wet while walking on the beach during the
storms. Yeah, Blow and Go wondered what the crime was too. Oh, that night we also said goodbye to Just Leo and
HELLO to the Good Shit Lollycock! All I can say is that if you missed this trash, then I feel truly sorry for
you. HJ4H gave up drinking (but only during odd hours – the even ones, hold on to your glass…)
The next run (1/14/08) was a recycled hash that was absolutely horrible on all accounts, but we took it very good
naturedly. Evidently Paddle Me hared a Gypsy run on the Thursday prior and then recycled parts of the trail for
the Hash the following Monday and, well, things didn’t go so well. Shame about running out of cups at the beer
check. But honestly, people weren’t as upset as they usually get about such things. Dr. K and I just ended up
running back to the start because it just wasn’t that much fun running a recycled trail. Several people were dressed
up as surgeons because it was a Doctor’s run, after all. I remember thinking how afraid I’d be if the last look
I took before the anesthesia took over was the lecherous face of Snowball 52 with a surgeon’s mask on. Ick. Oh,
people unlucky enough to have committed crimes were treated to shots given from large syringes that were recycled
from a medcenter dumpster. Yeah, I think this is one time where I won’t say if you missed this hash then I feel
truly sorry for you. Because if you missed this one, you were one of the lucky ones.
Next was Hoseblower and Ultra’s rainy night invisible trail run (1/21/08). That was the most fun all year. Seriously.
Unless you believed the hares when they said the trail was well marked despite the rain, you weren’t so pissed
off when the trail apparently ended in several spots. My favorite part was the steep muddy slope underneath 101.
Even though the ten of us who ran the entire thing to the beer check south of PacBell park were soggy to the core
and hardly talking to each other, seeing the admiration in the hashers’ eyes who had abandoned the trail and were
warm and dry and wimpily waiting for us at the 21st Amendment was so worth it, I’d do it all over again. Blue
Scrotum and Hard and Lengthy were my heroes of the puddle jumping crowd that night.
The Hash after this I skipped because Oh Shit was one of the hares and it made me quite ill, with a fever even,
to even think of attending ; ) (1/28/08)
On 2/4/08 I showed up for downdowns and found only Sarah Cunter sans tiara who had returned to the start. Evidently,
the trail that night left a lot to the imagination. Several people were lost along the way and one by one made
their ways back to the start. I don’t know who had the best tiara, but I remember that a harriet was given the
name Boob-B-Cue because, well, I’ll let you ask her about it. She was christened in the fountain. There was a
very loud visiting hasher named Fairy Manilow or something, I forget, but he was quite entertaining. I believe
he's cuming to B2B so I'll get his name correct then. I must apologize to CM because he sent me a list of crimes,
but I inadvertently deleted it when I was cleaning up my inbox. Oops.
Next, Who’s Your Daddy hared a hilly adventure in Noe Valley 2/11/08. Several newbies attended. Excellent trail,
of course.
And there you have it. We’re all caught up on hash trash now. As usual, let me know all the mistakes that I made
and I’ll have my secretary make the necessary corrections. Alas, Guz will write the next few hashes, he promised,
nay, he begged me for the privilege.
Can’t wait to see you all bring out your inner ninjas at the Ninja Hash 2/25/08!! Bring an extra shirt. It is
going to be rain-free and gloriously adventurous. If you need ideas on ninja moves, try watching these:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RA6TmDtvCQ&feature=related,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2kJZOfq7zk&feature=related
for overachievers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pKc29m1Nxs&feature=related
for underachievers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAZ7fB8PJk4