Prelude:

In darkness my eyes did alight

On the strangest Hash Pub Crawl sight

ABBAH had kissed

But Douchicorn had missed

So Cockamole went by tandem that night.

Act I:

There once was a hare named Hand Pump

Who took trail by a treacherous dump

With Hoseblower and Ultrahead

Through muck they had led

A pack who, to a man, were all chumps.

As we watched with horror brave Shaft,

Who we always knew was this daft

Frogger’s his game

But his knees will grow lame.

Dodging cars is a young man’s craft.

Just Melissa won’t go very far,

With Just Koda running into a car.

The pack was amused,

The hound was contused.

But he still found his way to the bar.

Masterbaster looked such a fright,

After Allahu Aqbark dragged him all night,

Into the mud

Before having a spud

On All Fours could but laugh at the sight.

Act II:

If the virgin Roman Showers had brought,

Could have just one more shot,

He’d see Good Shit drink down

The beer poured on his crown,

And he’d never return to this spot.

Our visitor that night was Hat Trick

Who wouldn’t show us his dick

But the joke was on him

Though the light was quite dim

We judged size by the bulge of his prick.

Heracknophobia lined up with beer

Salty Nuts and Sir Splooge Bob quite near

They all had to explain

Why they came back in the rain

The pack found their words were quite queer.*

(*Not that there’s anything wrong with that)

I met a half goat and half man,

Rounding the corner of the van,

Brown Eye wanted to know

Which half was below.

Away in the darkness, Meh ran.

Curtain call:

There resides in a country called Panama

A man in a state of nirvana

Diving all night

Banana’s in sight

Delighting all the Spanish grandmamas.