"Good evening to our viewers joining us from the national news! You've tuned in just in time for our SFH3 weather report, broadcasting live from Crocker Amazon Playground. Turning it over to Do Her Well for the update."
"Yes, thank you Sleazy! I heard you have some exciting news about Bay 2 Blackout coming up, so viewers will want to stay tuned. But for now, I'm here to tell you conditions here on the edge of McLaren Park are dire. The arrival of Miss Delivery into the area has increased the chance of Malort to almost 90%.
If that weren't bad enough, temperatures are dropping rapidly, with an even colder Wee Wee expected to arrive a bit later. Hand Pump has given an early estimate that hashers have a 70% chance of finding the beer check, but Muff Daddy expects those odds to drop rapidly once Just Doesn't Get It moves into the area.
Hash Shit has recently precipitated in the region, most heavily around Cookies and Cum, with those in the Cuming Mutha area narrowly avoiding a return. Prospects are next week will see a heavier downfall at Dick Simmons, but no disruption of the planned music festival is projected.
For more a more in depth forecast, we have Boner Marrow here to describe what our state of the art trail modeling software has predicted."
"Yes, Do Her Well, these models have predicted absolute chaos on trail, with Sir Menage a Lot and Tonya Hardon arriving early in the system. Trail will disappear early on, and it's really only the Tuna front that will provide us with a bit of relief. Shiggy may delay Three Fingers and Bloqueen, and howling chainsaws are expected to make Cosmic Pussy hold onto her pooch a bit tighter.
You may think that pack arrows would be useful to have along, but the weather will make even Fuck Buddy's best efforts disappear into the ether. A cluster of Five Angry Inches, One and Done, Fucker, and Queen will drop in later on, but a weak mark system will push King of Bedbugs and Wrinklepecker to the front. Given the conditions, it's likely that One Night Only will evaporate quickly."
"Thanks, Boner Marrow! In your opinion, how accurate are these modeling systems?"
"Well the model also said that Wash This Asshole was tonight's FRB, so not very much."
"Right. And now, back to Sleazy!"