It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a trail engagement must be in want of a co-hare.

“If I may dare say it, it is utterly scandalous!” Uber Luber crossed his arms. “I had not imagined a single hare would be so glibly accepted, but nor am I surprised.”

“May I interest you in a purer diversion?” Dick Ass Mother Fucker raised an eyebrow delicately.

“Pizza? But of course.” Together they departed.

“It’s a modern world we are living in now,” One and Done remarked to Miss Delivery. “A man without a co-hare? I would not pursue it myself, but I shan’t cast shame on the matter without cause.”

“Sometimes circumstances cast hares duly forward,” Bloqueen proclaimed. “And some hares rise to the circumstances so cast.”

“Alas,” said E=McFucked. “It is but for us voyagers to see the way through it.”

“Let us sally forth!” Cuming Mutha cried. “On on!”

A delicate dance emerged, as the group ventured further into the park. The way did not come clearly for some, as the glaring sunlight forced Circle Jerk and Sir Menage A Lot off course.

“Forsooth! On this way good sirs and madams!” Cried out Humpy Slowcum, who was quickly pursued by Motormount and Fucker.

“Oh what a scoundrel!” Exaggerated Crack shook his fist as it became clear the hare’s designs were elaborate. “Perchance a soothing hand on the hare’s figurative brow might have calmed his vitriol and eased us through the passage.”

“Perchance we shall solve the plot anyhow! Sirs! On this way!” Cockagami cried.

“Oh! I see before my eyes a virgin marking the check!” Gobble My Ass paused in wonder.

“Do not be too fooled, my dear,” Cockamole laughed. “It is such that Sheepy has donned the virgin garb by happenstance. Rest assured that the man has marked checks before these.”

“I would have had no doubts,” Dick Simmons closed his daguerreotype. “An exemplary specimen indeed.”

The metaphorical dance continued as Boner Marrow found himself flummoxed by a backcheck, and Dickweed waylaid by a false.

“What villainry!” cursed Jack The Ripper, and Hoseblower could only shake his head.

“Is it possible we can be delayed any further?” wondered Meat Hall of Fame.

Indeed it was, as Blowfish and John Handcock found themselves nearing the top of Buena Vista without any promise of completion. Just Rob, Gingervitis and Touchmaster 69 joined them as they rattled down the hill back towards Haight Street and across the panhandle, followed closely by Dickser Upper and Just Mark.

“Is this a usual custom?” Just Anita asked SexxxRay, with Just Jessica listening closely.

“Tragically, yes,” she admitted, and said no more.

Fortunately for the group a quick jaunt across a lawn and up a hill brought them to their goal of refreshment at the end.

“At long last!” On All Fours nodded to Look Who’s Coming To Dinner and Backwash. “I had full faith they would triumph.”

“And look—the hare himself!” declared Wash This Asshole.

“Has my work been well received?” asked the man in question as he settled his accounts with Muff Daddy.

“Famous Anus!” Hand Pump proclaimed. “The part I am most looking towards is what hasn’t yet been laid, of course.”

“I had not anticipated entertaining quite so many guests on my person,” Tuna admitted, brushing off a mosquito. “My attention is far more occupied by these matters than the feeble exercise of your design.”

“Trail?” asked Shaft. “I think there cannot be too little said on the subject.”

“You could not have laid trail in any possible way that would have tempted me to follow it,” Eat My Pussy explained.

“There is, I believe, in every hare a tendency to some particular evil,” Pomegranate Pull Out added.

“I would say more than some,” Port a Hottie followed.

“But the distance is nothing when one has motive,” Just Doesn’t Get It told him. “My motive would have been higher had the moon been fuller.

“At your service,” said Vagina Dentata, divesting his trousers.

“In conclusion?” Famous Anus again gently inquired.

“I expect you shall be haring again soon,” Do Her Well nodded goodnight.