“Wow,” Cockamole looked at their surroundings as Hand Pump marched up the hill towards the delicately perched beer van. “I remember it being a lot more… overgrown.”

“I know, right?” Do Her Well frowned. “It’s down to personal preference, sure, but I don’t like it that bare. You feel every slightest gust of wind.”

Worst Bottom Ever shrugged. “Honestly, I know better to complain by now—I don’t want to go down for the next one that comes along.”

“You’ve got the virgins assembled, right?” Boner Marrow asked. “I know most of them learn by doing, but they’re just going to poke along feeling it out if we don’t give them some pointers.”

Just Chinmay pushed his virgin forward so he could have a good view, and In The Ass Dear made sure there was enough room. But despite having been left expert, detailed instructions by Cum Test Dummy’s chalk talk, the virgins found themselves more confused than before.

“Just follow along with what I do,” Fuck Buddy told them, but she was going far too fast for them to learn anything.

“If only they had waited for me,” Sleazy Like Sunday Whoring told Muff Daddy as she watched the pack run off. “I would have gotten them there a lot more quickly and efficiently.”

Meanwhile, Bloqueen and Sweaty Betty slowly and steadily crept up the first leg of the trail, following the cues and signs of the hares. They watched as Dickweed and Rocky Bowel Movement plunged too deeply and had to pull back a bit, and they carefully showed Fucker and Crabs the best technique to get somewhere on trail.

“Is this is?” Cuming Mutha asked, poking around at the bush near the top of the canyon.

“Nothing but to try it out!” reasoned Dirty Man Colada.  

They thought they were hitting a steady pace, crouching down to reach the trail as they needed, when they were faced with a decision.

“It’s tempting to get off quickly,” One and Done sighed. “But I think I really need a little more to get there.”

“You work harder, I work smarter,” E=McFucked said, going straight to the hill’s climax.

Blowfish, on the other hand, found herself drifting down towards the wrong hole, but with Minor 69er’s help she was able to lead Queen and THUNDERPISS to the correct area.

Meanwhile, Dick Simmons was taking his time with the trail, camera in hand. He found the views beautiful both when rounding the habitat-sensitive tip of the trail and when he started climbing higher and higher. No matter how slippery his hands and face got, he kept a good hold of his recording equipment and a good view of where he was going.

It wasn’t long before much of the pack had finished and found their hares serving refreshments. “I think I know how to lay it really well now,” Wrong Waymo told them. “Cum Test Dummy sure showed me how to think about what the pack will find stimulating.”

“Remember, everyone likes it a little different,” Wash This Asshole told him. “There’s no one way to lay, that’s what I always say.”

“I would have played with them a little more before letting them get there,” Circle Jerk added. “But not everyone is into that.”

“The virgin’s still out there,” Pomegranate Pullout pointed out. “Even Jack The Ripper finished ahead of him.”

“No shame in taking your time,” Cockulus Oculus shrugged her shoulders, while Uber Luber nodded.

“Yes, but it’ll be good for us to get circle off soon,” Vagina Dentata added. “Choke Me Off got a bit too excited by Just Get It Over With – Exaggerated Crack can’t get them separated.”

“Understandable,” Five Angry Inches told him. “It took both Backhoe and On All Fours to get my kinks out.”

“Anyway, did anyone see any crimes?” Crabs asked.

“What’s that sound?” Mary Tyler Whore wondered, looking around as she arrived.

Meat Hall of Fame, Famous Anus, and the rest of the packs’ snores filled the air.

“Next time we’ll work on them staying awake after they come,” Cockamole promised.

Cum Test Dummy shrugged, “As long as everyone got there in the end.”