“I’ve spent ages reviewing the literature,” Masterbaster yawned loudly. “Did you know that twenty years ago hashers were using n=5 to achieve enough power while checking?”

“You should check the senior author on that article again,” Cuming Mutha smiled wryly. “I know very well how standards have slipped.”

“Seems like you’ve prepared a lot, Masterbaster,” Mary Tyler Whore raised an eyebrow. “But have you produced anything novel?”

“You still have to pass peer review,” Cockulus Oculus cautioned him. “Remember, it’s almost a guarantee that your reviewers are having virgins solving their backchecks for them. You have to put your trail together like you are trying to appease a hangry toddler.”

“Oh, it’s been published already, Hand Pump solicited the article specifically,” Masterbaster shrugged. “It’s always great publishing in the Anals of Exercise Psychology.”

“What are we waiting for?” asked Backwash. Together they dove into the work.

“I’m already a bit caught up on the abstract,” Circle Jerk muttered as he turned back down the hill he had just run up, Crabs following him closely. Just Chinmay and Medium Sized Balls of Fire dashed past into the main part of trail.

Sir Menage a Lot and Just Doesn’t Get It took on the first check together, leading the pack deeper into the figures. E=McFucked, Meat Hall of Fame and Sexxx-ray took the wise choice of perusing the associated commentary instead, while the rest of the pack gamely moved forward. Just Evalina pulled out her credit card to pay Muff Daddy for the full text, while Boner Marrow and Cum Test Dummy tried to figure out which version of Scihub was still working.

“It’s a real uphill slog,” muttered Fucker to Miss Delivery.

“Tell me about it,” One and Done replied. “He keeps on doing the same check over and over, with just slight variations. It’s impossible to keep track of all the minutiae.”

“Are we even solving anything, or just going around in circles?” asked Sweaty Betty.

“Thank god, it’s something new!” Cockamole lit up at the sight of a song check.

“Didn’t we see something very similar in the last work we discussed?” Touchmaster 69 wondered.

“Sometimes hashing is highly derivative,” Wrong Waymo shrugged.

“None of this was in the methods section,” Do Her Well paused.

“This avenue of investigation is highly irregular for Masterbaster,” added Blowfish.

“There’s only one conclusion…” THUNDERPISS trailed off.

“He forgot to document his work?” Turbo Twat suggested.

“That fucking third reviewer demanded a song check and at least two extra miles of trail?” Famous Anus speculated.

“No,” Do Her Well carefully pulled apart pages that had been inadvertently fused with an unknown substance. “We have read too far in error. This is from a completely separate paper!”

“Well we can’t just go back,” Backhoe decided.

“Of course not,” Five Angry Inches declared. “Let’s just decide what we think the evidence shows and go with it.”

 Despite deciding to dive into deeply speculative processes, somehow they all turned up at the same place.

“The additional authors have worked out really well,” Masterbaster nodded to Six Tits A Week. “Sometimes you just have to use those connections.”

Dick Ass Mother Fucker agreed. “I made some of your competitors do at least six more months of work.”

“I’m glad I happened to be stopping by as a visiting scholar,” Grabber told Motor Mount and Jizzard. “Maybe there will be more collaborations in the future.”

“Well I’m not sure if anything of significance happened,” On All Fours smiled at Wine Rack. “But I sure had a good time.”

“If you enjoyed that, check out my publication next week!” Dick Simmons reminded them as they filed out into the night.