There was a time when the people and the animals lived in harmony side by side. And when evening fell, and when the work of the day was done, all of them would gather together in a circle and play games and tell stories.

 

 

 

It was during this time that one of the people came up with a most excellent game, and not even the wisest of the animals could outwit it, and not even the slowest of the people was left behind by it. It was a marvelous spectacle, and the people traveled from miles away to see it.

 

 

 

To begin this game, as it was always begun, Tonya Hardon and Dick First Ass Up pulled on the skin of the hare. “Oh, it pinches!” cried Dick First Ass Up. “Oh, it tickles!” cried Tonya Hardon. But as soon as they had their skins done up they were away quick as lightning.

 

 

 

The rest of the people were not so quickly roused, as they preferred to enjoy their camaraderie a bit longer before they could be moved. And so Sister Fister waved to Wee Wee, and Mouth Down South welcomed Just Chaz, and Worst Bottom Ever toasted Dildo Baggins. Truly it was quite some time before all the ends were sorted, and Hand Pump was able to shoo them out into the night.

 

 

 

Just Get It Over With slid with a sigh into the skin of a hound who would rather sit by the fire than romp through the forest, and Muff Daddy tugged on the skin of one who would rather be petted than set on a hunt, but there were enough numbers ready to run to give true chase to the hares. As a pack they took off into the night.

 

 

 

The hares that had dashed off were flighty and scared, and at first they left little scent for their hounds to follow. They had Cuming Mutha running one way and Can’t Eat Pussy running the other, with Dick Ass Mother Fucker coming down stairs while Sperm Donor surged up them. And the hounds cried up their frustration into the night.

 

 

 

All thought the hares were truly lost, until Cream Throat Willy took a telling sniff and darted into the night, with Bloqueen hot on his heels. The pack was lured to a halt by the call of a tasty beverage, but Cum Test Dummy resumed the chase as they filed through alleyways and across busy streets with the taste of the hunt in their mouths. Crabs took a detour to let out a scent of a different kind, leaving CPA gagging in disbelief. However, Cool Handjob Luke wasn’t put off the chase for long as Pepe Le Poop darted by him, urging him forward.

 

 

 

Oh children! If I could tell you the miles they ran, of their sore feet and happy hearts you would scarce believe me. The hounds’ energy did not wane, not until they were baying joyfully at the hares’ heels and had snared their reward.

 


And if that had been the end of it, it would have been enough. But the pack was happy to enjoy more of the fine company they were keeping. I’m Drunk, Cowlick and Shaft rejoiced at seeing some old friends, while Dildo Baggins nodded to some new faces, and Udder Moron watched the twinkling lights in the distance with satisfaction. My Little Spermaid regaled the group with the horrors of the bridge troll, while Deadbeat spun Anansi’s tale. Peekabooby spoke of how she had defeated a monster of clay, while Dickweed told about them metal beasts he had tamed in turn.

 

 

 

And as was tradition they gathered in a circle and learned of the visitors they had amongst them, Mandatory Fun, El Nino, and Queef Latifa who had ventured from a far away land known as Walnut Creek. And in due course they were entertained by their visitors, and Good Shit Lollicock spilled only the tiniest amount of beer.

 

 

 

“But there is one tale I do not wish to say,” Tuna on Top advised them.

 

 

 

“But please, tell us,” chorused Millimeter Peter and Bierectional.

 

 

 

“It doesn’t have a happy ending,” Brown Eye warned.

 

 

 

“But you must,” Fucker and I’m Drunk answered. And eventually it was Do Her Well who offered to tell it.

 

 

 

“There is a land far away from here,” Do Her Well began. “As far away as one might ever hope to travel. And one would wish to travel there, for the people are a happy people.”

 

 

 

“Go on,” chorused the pack.

 

 

 

“How can I tell you of their lives? I can see in my mind the echoes of them here tonight, running, laughing, singing.”

 

 

 

“Go on,” chorused the pack.

 

 

 

“One day some of the people set out upon a voyage on a big lake, with blue waters as far as the eye can see.”

 

 

 

“Go on,” chorused the pack.

 

 

 

“It was on that lake they planned to spend a night and a day, but a storm arose and rocked the great ship that they were on.”

 

 

 

“Oh, mercy!” chorused the pack.

 

 

 

“It was in that boat that some of these brave men and women took that final voyage that each of us must take.”

 

 

 

 “Honor!” chorused the pack.

 

 

 

“But we know they remain in the hearts and minds of their loved ones. And like this story, their stories do not have to end.”