It was a dark and stormy Mule that somewhere east of Moscow kicked Titty Boo Boo on the shins. It ate his shirt and had started on his underwear when Titty Boo Boo had enough and grabbed the bag of flour that the mule had also been eating. Tricrapylete, similarly flustered by the Mule's ardor, ran off after him.
In the mail the previous night, Tricrapylete had received a postcard from Titty Boo Boo reading 'Meet me at 24th Avenue Don't Tell One Night Only' but unfortunately the Mule had also eaten the 'Avenue' part off and Tricrapylete made it to the Mission before he realized his error.
The Mule had previously destroyed most of One Night Only's actual trail, which was said to feature copious amounts of pierogis and vodka. It was the most beautiful trail the hash has never seen. However, the pack, espying the blobs of flour that dripped out from Titty Boo Boo's pockets, gave chase. Miraculously (for in some circles Titty Boo Boo is revered as a Saint) some of the flour formed the signs of checks.
The Mule's work was not done, however, for before trail was over it had led Douchicorn, Tonya Hardon, and Pepe Le Poop back to Golden Gate Park to go 'romp' in a meadow. It brayed so hard it scared Just Andrew and Just Rob away from a check, thankfully for them in the right direction. However, The Perfect Woman was left without any sign, and seeing Do Her Well attempting to mount the mule, he wisely ran the opposite way.
The Mule's continued brays (for Do Her Well was joined by Just Doesn't Get It, which distressed the Mule greatly) compelled Cunty Butler to compose Hashmas Carols, convinced Masterbaster that Allahu Aqbark had found a long-lost sibling, and gave Good Shit an idea for a new novel. Hand Pump swiftly erected a tent to hide the melee, and Fuck Norris said to Bi-erectional that she knew how to tame to mule but she didn't currently have a melon baller. Hearing this, the Mule kicked the tent and dumped all of the collected water onto Miss Delivery.
Cockagami, realizing that some order had to be established, ordered the Mule to 'Sit!' but Cream Chugger had taught the Mule about Moral Egalitarianism, and so it refused on the principle of the thing. Blowqueen and Tears of Semen found out that the Mule could be used as a very nice bench if you asked nicely and told it that it could eat some of Circle Jerk's hair. Muff Daddy attempted to charge the Mule seven dollars, but it said it did not even have fertile semen, so what could you do.