Hearing that Broken Boner was going to set yet another shitty trail if no one else did, Who’s Your Daddy first got on his knees and the On All Fours and begged wHole Blow Out to set trail. wHBO showed up wearing her new hipster glasses and flannel r*nning shorts that she got in her welcome kit after moving across the bay to the “New Brooklyn” and even though we didn't ask him to, the bridge troll allowed Fixed Queer through as well. The early birds gathered at Connecticut Yankee where everyone ate Just Get It Over With’s french fries and she kept kept mumbling her name under her breath. Taking themselves WAY too seriously, Ska-Skank Redemption and Broken Boner huddled in the corner to make sure no one knew the secret plans for the pub crawl they were planning, forgetting that hashers don’t have standards and spending 6 hours talking about which bar has better crown moldings is the worst waste of time since Sir Menage-A-Lot tried to enter The Perfect Woman from the front. Sufficiently pre-moistened the pack gathered at Jackson Playground where Po Po Strip Show explained his absence with a grueling tale of how he escaped Chickless Boner’s Rooftop Dungeon by jumping off the balcony. Even though the fall broke his leg, it helped dislodge the 11 furbies that had been shoved up his kitchen. What’s even more odd is that all the furbies had the tops of their heads shaved and bore a striking resemblance to Cumming Mutha.
The pack took off on a trail that was under 3 miles, as wHBO tried to set an example to all the r*cist bastards in the hash that even if you go out and try to set a PR every weekend, you should leave that bullshit behind you come to the hash. Hashing is about beer and the occasional nipple! The pack took off following the hipster hieroglyphics while No Panties No Problem made a huge mistake following Just Doesn’t Get It on a “short cut“ through locked parking lot. Neither was ever seen again. Hand Pump and Raspukin were among the FRBs and quickly discovered that Forrest Dumped has parked his beer truck 2 blocks away from the end of trail at Espirit Park and said that since the beer was a quad and everyone needed to pace themselves, the only way to get some is to do a body shots out of his navel. Even though MillimeterPeter said he’d prefer it if he could do his body shot off of Backside Banger, Cherry Poppins and T-Ball abducted the beer and volunteered themselves to be the vessels for everyone’s butt chug. As the post r*n libations were being poured Mary Tyler Whore brought her projector so that she could give 48 Dicks Later and Community Chest her award winning presentation on how to look glamorous within 15 seconds of finishing a r*n (Sir Menage-A-Lot eagerly look notes from behind the bushes, knowing that his information will come in handy once he comes out of the closet next month). My Uncle’s Girlfriend couldn’t handle the huge load that Just Tim had poured in her vessel and spewed foam all over I’m Drunk, at which point 2x Whore sent her Straight to Hell for an “alcohol abuse” spanking. The pack made their way back to the start the short way, while Ice Box led an eagle On In trail, saying 2.7 miles wasn’t enough and she needs to keep in top shape to fight off all koalas trying to spread their syphilis when she goes back to Oz.
Circle was held clandestinely to help keep HP out of jail for at least one more week. Hearing that Ska Skank might show off her headlights if she saw enough man nipple, all of the eager Just’s took off their shirts and were introduced to the Zombie Killer. Muff Daddy tried to take off Just David’s shirt until he realized that the shirt was off, and it was fur that he was tugging at. Not wanting to pass up this opportunity Crabs reintroduced Just David to the hash and Can’t See His Dick For The Weeds (though those of us who are too busy drinking to say so many words have come to call him DickWeed). The hash went in peace to get their piece at Thee Parkside (which hopefully will be able to afford some lightbulbs after all the money that was spent there).
***There were other hashers there, but unlike all the previously mentioned hashers, they didn't sleep with me that night and therefore aren't that memorable***