The lights go down, even as MUG continues to collect admission at the door. Eat My Pussy steps on Gingervitis’s toes as they scramble down the aisles, late. Muff Daddy coughs pointedly until everyone is silent. Chicken Bone Her plays a few notes on a xylophone, while Cuming Mutha waves his baton. After noticing the beer Five Angry Inches is serving, he sets up a metronome and walks away to join Udder Moron in the balcony. The curtains go up.

 

 

 

Dick Simmons presses “Record.”

 

 

 

The first few beats of ‘Sharp Dressed Man’ start to play. Masterbaster, Just Doesn’t Get It, and One and Done parade out in a chorus line.

 

 

 

Hand Pump, new keg

 

On All Fours won’t make you beg

 

Dick Ass, Sleazy,
They said trail wasn’t easy

 

Little Willy’s runnin' just as fast as he can
'Cause every hasher’s crazy 'bout a red dress run

 

 

 

Humpy Slowcum sets off the fireworks, while Closet Twitcher whistles a jaunty chorus. Can’t Rush Anal is grooving to the beat, while Do Her Well is making notations for tomorrow’s review. She docks five points for Bierectional running into One Night Only in the middle of the stage, but adds ten for Six Tits a Week’s pirouette.

 

 

 

Wrinklepecker, flour bag,
Who’s Your Daddy won’t let it drag

 

Lois Lame, Bitch’s Bitch,
Accessorized to every inch
Three Fingers is runnin' just as fast as he can
'Cause every hasher’s crazy 'bout a red dress run

 

 

 

Cockamole has set the dogs howling, while Muppet Dick has let the balloons fly. Cosmic Pussy and Gobble My Ass have started twirling plates on their hands, while My Little Spermaid and Sperm Donor let the red streamers fly.

 

 

 

Hello Titties, and Slug,
Tuna’s gonna make you chug,
Ska Skank, Ocean Spray

 

Tourists won’t know what to say

 

Fit Bitch is runnin' just as fast as he can
'Cause every hasher’s crazy 'bout a red dress run

 

 

 

Condoms explode in every direction in a stunning finale, covering the audience in bits of gummy latex. A stunned silence is followed by deafening applause. Fuck Norris carefully stashes her cattle prod.

 

 

 

Mouth Down South has fallen asleep, while Handjob 4 Humanity makes sure Dick Simmons has gotten her name for the society pages, carefully noted far away from Cum Guzzling Cockaholic’s. Banana In Public poses for the fashion panel, making sure his jeans get in the full length shot.

 

 

 

“I can’t believe it’s been so long,” Gee Your Dick Smells Terrific wipes a tear from his eye.

 

 

 

“You missed it that much?” asks Sniff My Box.

 

 

 

“Like a hole in my head,” he replies.

 

 

 

“Hashing’s like giving birth,” Hoover says “It’s all terrible until the hormones or alcohol or whatever wipes those parts away from your memories.”

 

 

 

“From the mouths of second generation hashers,” Vagina Dentata sniffs sentimentally as the crowds depart into the night.

 

 

 

The End