Proceedings of the Natural Society of the Presidio
I am excited to report to you, dear friends, that the first known sighting of the rare Primal vagina in the wild has been documented by our group. Famed naturalist Hand Pump organized a grand expedition into the wilderness last Monday, whereupon we followed the tracks of this rare creature. Though the trail flirted with more populated areas and proved deceptive for even our most experienced explorers, eventually we captured much documentation on this fabled beast.
Much like the more frequently sighted Titty booboous, Primal vagina is quite capable of entrapping unwary prey in a web of deception. Unfortunately a few of our own were lost on the expedition-- The Sadiator and Wrinklepecker have not been heard from. Future observers should be wary. Much better to follow the example of Cuming Mutha, Who's Your Daddy, and Blowqueen, who survived the night due to avoiding Primal vagina's tracks altogether.
However, those who persevered and survived were greatly rewarded with the site of Primal vagina imbibing her natural drink, the margarita. This preference distinguishes her from species such as the Miss deliverius, who consumes only rum mixed with beer. We will do well to remember these preferences for our next outing.
The mating rituals of the Primal vagina, sad to say, were not observed by our group. We may only speculate that they may bear some similarity to the Uber luberus, (a recent classification also native to the area), who poses as a dancer to attract his mates and then vomits copiously to seal the deal. It should be noted that some of the invasive species we observed during the night are likely far removed from the Primal vagina's family tree, and thus similarities between her and these foreign creatures should not be taken for granted. For instance, the Adam levinis that was presenting fluorescent plumage to invite potential mates to a sex orgy is likely not indicative of anything that might occur normally in the environment.
However, it was telling that two vocal virgin males were in the presence of the Primal vagina. Sir Ménage a Lot pointed out to the group that these virgins were attracted by other species-- if this is true, it may indicate an interesting evolutionary advantage Primal vagina has developed.
We should remember that there are other species in the Presidio. Dildo Baggins happened to capture remarkable footage of Split wideopena, whose handstand displays are not to be missed.
Keep your eyes peeled next week, dear friends, for you never know what it is you will see!
Do Her Well