Hi there, it's Five Angry Inches from PackWow, and what I have for you here will get the FRBs cursing your existence every time. Even Cuming Mutha will say 'Bonzer' when you whip out your PackWow!

I used to be a hare just like Hand Pump, and I heard about my trail problems every single time. My checks were as rare as a Lost In Fourskin sighting, and the last time Cum Test Dummy saw my name on the hareline, she just shook her head. Even walkers like On All Fours avoided my trails. But with PackWow, for the low, low price of $69.69, you'll have everyone from the fastest Eagle to the biggest D(FL) asking for your secrets. Muff Daddy won't even need a trail map from you. PackWow will have Sperm Bank bringing virgins like Just Michelle every time.

Hashers will travel from miles around to experience PackWow, just as Geordi La Foreskin and Dicks and Sticks. Six out of nine hashers agree, and the remaining three are Do Her Well, Cockamole, and Queen, and what do they know?

So how does it work you ask? It's simple, you just set your coordinates utilizing the proper latitude and longitude, translate the start time into GMT for Bloqueen, blackmail Three Fingers, make sure Jack The Ripper has a piece of pink chalk, distract Circle Jerk with garbanzo beans, identify five differences between Peg Me and Lace Me and Rumple Dickskin, open your PackWow, and you are good to go. Tonya Hardon will be stunned speechless, and even Dickweed will not have the energy to toot his horn.

Streets, shiggy, striggy, PackWow will do it for anyone, anytime. Just Paul said he couldn't wait to come back for more, while Little Red Riding Wood can't wait to hare. Fuck Buddy, Cookies and Cum, and Just Doesn't Get It were begging me for my secrets, and Gloryhole has already bought the Six PackWow special. Fucker and One And Done were so excited they started stripping for me, and I respectfully declined.

But wait, there's more. If you opt in for the PackWow upgrade pack, you'll get one CSI to swab for DNA-- just in case-- and Masterbaster to bring a replacement canine for any lost dogs on trail. That's just an additional $69.69, and we'll throw in Crabs for free if you buy within the next hour. Dick Simmons is already sponsored by PackWow, so what are you waiting for? Don't hesitate, get your PackWow today!

***PackWow has caused rare but serious cases of Rocky Bowel Movement, Famous Anus, and Ocean Spray. Void where prohibited.***