SFH3 Run #2124: Chinese New Year Run, the YEAR of the HARE!
: 01/23/2023
: West Portal Playground, Verdun Way at Lennox Way
: 3 Fingers
: Do Her Well

To Whom It May Concern,

I am highly disgusted by the evidence I found of the San Francisco Hash House Harriers in my very backyard. Beginning under the cover of darkness, this pack of ruffians (as usual, circling around the dreaded white van of Hand Pump) ran amok through the neighborhood. It seems that a man only known as Three Fingers decided to decorate the area with highly inflammatory marks of flour and chalk. It was difficult to see what good these 'indicators' did, as Five Angry Inches was found miles away from the beer, and Millimeter Peter, Do Her Well, and One and Done both required Dickweed of all people for their salvation. Not only is it bad enough that my dog suffered a relapse at the sight of the white powder (poor thing went down a bad path after treatment of a low ankle sprain)-- his hearing was damaged by the caterwauling of Rocky Bowel Movement and Boner Marrow in the night. My neighbor's pet miniature bull was also disturbed by all of the red clothing, and it almost went into a seizure when Just Doesn't Get It went by blowing his whistle.

I talked to the personnel managing Stern Grove and they were also incensed, apparently the disturbance of SFH3 correlated highly with the falling of numerous robust eucalyptus trees, and we can only agree that it was the pounding of Blowqueen, Tonya Hardon, and Fucker's feet going by. Numerous passersby swore that Queen had been seen pole-vaulting over a barrier, while Cookies and Cum just treated a fence like she was on a hurdling course, which is highly insensitive to those of us who are getting up in the years and no longer as agile.

The hash is also devastating for tourism. At Muff Daddy's prices, Waifu Wanker and Lock Nut Monster flocked in from out of town, while their dollars could have very well bolstered the downtown economy and saved at least one local business from extinction. Cuming Mutha and On All Fours are running some sort of computer side business, likely out of the back of the van, and I suspect Mary Tyler Whore is their business rep and Gloryhole is their backdoor importer/exporter. Be warned, these observations and concerns have been documented.

But that is not the worst of it. After Muppet Dick set off a conflagration in order to ceremonially initiate a canine (someone needs to tell Just Greta she can be better than Bitch on Fire (Woo) and that Sleazy owes her a dog treat), they proceeded to sing songs loudly, off key, and without following any direction whatsoever from Humpy Slocum or Crabs. They could not even count to Tricrapylete, and it's a miracle one of them didn't electrocute themselves with Gobble My Ass's gloves. Just Casey would do well to look at the lesson of Wash This Asshole and stay away from the whole lot, especially any RAs. But as Millimeter Peter and Wee Wee would tell you, it's not as easy as it sounds.

I have written to my supervisor, the mayor (thank god One Night Only did not succeed in her campaign), Nextdoor, Facebook, Craiglist, and LinkedIn. As I learned from Banana In Public that the trail was not stroller accessible, so I have launched an ADA complaint as well. Finally, I have asked Dick Simmons to make an artwork devoted to my plight. It will be of a dove ascending to heaven escaping a pile of thorns from below.

Your Neighbor