Welcome to Dick Simmons Radio Hour, where we will trace the path through your ear canal deep into your brain stem to lift you up, smooth you out, and wrap you in a smooth velvety blanket of FUCK YEAH 'MERICA!
 
Coming up next we have a special set by our birthday boy Humpy Slocumb, with spoken word poetic commentary by Do Her Well and HELL YES IT's CRABS WITH AN EPIC SLAM SESSION.
 
Humpy's classics have been highly reviewed by Jack The Ripper and Tuna on Top, and Just Doesn't Get It kindly notes WHERE THE FUCK IS THE EAGLE TRAIL! I'M ALONE WITH FUCKING HANDCOCK AND GOBBLE?!?
 
If you want to take a short trip down to our studio, Cum Test Dummy and One and Done are already grooving out, and Pippi Long Cocking is enjoying the nice views of the San Francisco skyline. Gloryhole and Slug have just joined us, while Peg Me and Lace Me and Rumple Dick Skin are BANGING THEIR MOTHERFUCKING HEADS TO THE SOUND OF HONKING HORNS AND BREAKING GLASS MOTHERFUCKERS.
 
And Hand Pump has prepared a special selection of WHO THE FUCK CARES, IT'S BEER as you enjoy this special session. Che Gayvera and Captain America are standing by with commentary which is just TWO FUCKING MIDDLE FINGERS EACH.
 
As Muff Daddy will tell you, even Butt Buster will put in the work to enjoy Humpy's set. And breaking news--Cuming Mutha and On All Fours have told me that RENT WHORE HAS FLOWN IN FROM OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE. Oh, nevermind, it's just Famous Anus now.
 
We're just about ready to get rolling, but first, a word from our sponsor:
 
MOTHERFUCKING CREAM OF WHEAT