"It's an important method to ensure the contracts are thoroughly read," Dick First Ass Up raised a finger. Queen looked at him doubtfully. "Van Halen had their brown M&Ms, we have our Goldie checks."

Hand Pump had already initialed by the chalk talk, and Muff Daddy was busy keeping the screaming line of fans contained. One and Done was taking a selfie with Boner Marrow, while Rhythm Method was showing Jack the Ripper some pictures from her last concert. The crowds were growing immense-- Quick Tool and Damien the Antichrist had come out of the woodwork when they learned of the exclusive event, while Dogshit, Waifu Wanker, and Pippi Longcocking had traveled from around the world.

Seeing the crowds getting rowdier and rowdier, Dick First Ass Up and Queen looked at each other with growing concern. Muff Daddy looked scarcely able to hold them back, even with Cockamole and Tuna's expertise. On All Fours was walking up to join them, stern look on her face and taser in hand, but it was too late. Slug and Rocky Bowel Movement charged forward, and Fucker and Sheepy were at their heels. Dick First Ass Up and Queen, however, were long gone into the distance even as the rabid fans set themselves upon their heels.

"An exclusive event at the mall!?!" Banana In Public nearly screamed in his excitement, while Just Maxwell rolled his eyes from the vantage point of his stroller. EMP passed Just Lauren at the roundabout, only to find Queen and Dick First Ass Up had given them all the slip. "I will get that autograph!" EMP said firmly to himself.

The fans had lost all semblance of control, Do Her Well had taken her shirt off in her excitement and said she was going to become a swinger, to which Just Doesn't Get It pulled out his camera. Gingervitis was circling the block in a grid pattern, determined to track the two down. Cuming Mutha was pacing back and forth, looking for any sign of where they might have gone. At last, the group grew tired of screaming mindlessly and found it was a little cold without clothes on. One by one, they filed back to the venue.

"Do you promise you'll be good?" Sir Menage a Lot asked Princess Jizzmine. Even though she kept shaking her head no, he shrugged. "Can't win 'em all," he said philosophically, before letting her in.

Fuck Buddy and Wash This Asshole took their seats close to the front and flipped their lighters open as finally, after a lot of ado and bother, Queen and Dick First Ass Up took to the stage. They had barely strummed a single chord, when the door flew open and Backhoe came forward, fist raised and eyes full of fury.

"You wankers!" She screamed. "You had me rushing over hills and through parking lots, across six lanes of traffic and in the dullest suburbia in all of San Francisco, all by myself, in the cold and the mist! Me, a paying customer! I came here to be senselessly tortured and needlessly led astray?"

"Well, what can we say?" Dick First Ass Up's voice trembled slightly. "Anything to please a fan?"

The End