"It has not escaped our attention that alcohol ceiling has been steadily raised," Tonya Hardon proclaimed. "And that some of our virgins are looking awfully familiar."
Humpy Slowcum edged behind a sea of orange vests.
"If we don't come to some sort of arrangement, we'll have no choice continue with the Mismanagement Shutdown," She continued. "Hand Pump will be furloughed, and Muff Daddy will start accruing interest in all sorts of things I don't want to imagine."
"Not my problem!" Sleazy laughed and walked away sipping a beer.
"Surely something must be done," reasoned Crabs. "How much can one group of degenerate inebriates really need?"
"It's not really about that," whispered On All Fours. "I heard that some of Mismanagement was agitating for a competitive Beer Mile league, and Tonya is shutting down their beer barrel spending for good."
"I for one am not spending a cent out of my own pocket to fuel someone's delusions of grandeur, and that means you, Do Her Well!" Eat My Pussy shook his fist at the harriette in question.
"I'll have you know that I am not the one who is challenging his running group to throwdown," Do Her Well looked pointedly at Five Angry Inches. "Besides, I'm willing to take austerity measures for this kennel. See my vessel?" She held out a slightly used female urination container.
"That's nothing," Cheese Turd proclaimed. "For this very trail, I am using child labor and approximately four ounces of flour. Some of which is in the orange food."
"That's right!" 9 and 1/2 Wanks chimed in. "Our beer check today is using someone else's porch."
"And," Cheese Turd added, building steam. "I used the same park, twice!"
"I'll be selling these pictures to a dating website," Dick Simmons offered. "That should help."
"Which singles website would want photos of this lot?" wondered Cumming Mutha.
"It said something about being for blind dating, I'm guessing it's a positive control," Dick Simmons shrugged.
"We certainly can cut down on pack arrows," Dickweed suggested. "Way too many of those tonight, it turns out."
"I'll give away my beard hair for warmth in the cold winters," Circle Jerk offered generously.
"Maybe someone can reuse my trail," offered One and Done. "I'm not using it anymore."
"Same for Fog City trail," Cockamole added. "I heard it was expertly done."
"I'll drink more of the beer!" said Hoseblower.
"How exactly does that help?" wondered Peg Me and Lace Me.
"He's getting more of his money's worth?" proposed Rumple Dick Skin.
"Now, now," Fuck Buddy raised her hands. "These are all great ideas. Really, some of you are positively inspired."
"She didn't say by what," muttered Peekabooby under her breath.
"But I think there's one thing we can all agree on," she looked around the crowd. Three Fingers, Wash This Asshole, and Tuna were waiting with baited breath, while Medium Sized Balls of Fire was trying to figure out what news to hope for. "Let's table it for 69 more days!"
"No!" Just Doesn't Get It proclaimed. "We'll make that 369."
"Because three 69s are better than one," the hash chanted helplessly.
And that's how you avoid a Mismanagement shutdown.