Once upon a time, a very long time ago last Monday, Fucker set a trail all by himself in the middle of Sixty Nine Acre Woods. After a very long walk, during which he dispensed of all sorts of flour and also some chalk, he sat down next to the beer van and began to have a think. And his thoughts were something like this:

"Hand Pump has the beer, and Muff Daddy has the money. Lost In Fouskin has money he shouldn't have, but that is not my fault. Do Her Well has a loud voice. I think I'll have a shower."

And so he tottered off.

Meanwhile, On All Fours came up with something important to say. "There's cookies for sale!"

"I have cookies here," Muppet Dick said, talking through stale crumbs.

"I'll have a taste of Muppet Dick's cookies," Crabs said, gathering them from Muppet Dick's hands.

"Hey!"

"I didn't say I was going to eat them, I'm just having a taste." Crabs winked at Medium Sized Balls of Fire.  

"But where did the cookies come from?" wondered Three Fingers.

"Fucker!" answered Humpy. "But where has Fucker gone to?"

"Do you think he's lost in Sixty Nine Acre woods?" asked Five Angry Inches.

"Well you know what they say," Uber Luber waggled his eyebrows. "Three sixty nine acres are better than one!"

"Not when you're lost..." Tuna protested.

"We have to find him," Cockamole proclaimed. "We have to find Fucker!"

"I thought we were hashing?" asked Pomegranate Pull-out.

"We can do both!" declared One and Done, running off into the darkness.

They found signs of Fucker high and low, and even when they weren't sure where to go, the thoughts of their friend guided them truly.

"I think he might have gone through this grove of sharp vines, he loves those!" Cuming Mutha reasoned.

"We haven't run uphill enough," Fuck Buddy said, nodding.

"The last time he and I were wandering around at night, I remember this tree," Millimeter Peter added.

At long last, they emerged through the darkness into the streets, where there were parked two white vans.

"Which one is our van?" asked Port-a-Hottie. "They could be cut from the same mold."

"Well, perhaps the one with your friend inside!" Fucker stepped into the streetlight.

"We were wondering where you were!" Wee Wee scolded. "But together we were able to solve the case."

"Everyone made it just fine," added Wash This Asshole.

"Oh bother," Fucker replied. "I was just neatening up."

"It's okay," said Peek-a-booby. "I think we all learned a lot tonight."

"I learned that my friends will pull me through thick and thin, although I might lose some skin to branches." Wrong Waymo told him.

"Got Wood taught me not to wonder if there are coyotes nearby," Famous Anus said.

"I taught a small child about sharing her toys," Just Devin added.

"I learned that parents of small children can't sue the group for stealing scooters if you don't leave a name," Boner Marrow chimed in.

"Well, that's absolutely not what I wanted at all," Fucker said. "I just wanted to spend as little time and money possible for as little grousing as feasible. But since everyone is busy moralizing, I'll take it as no complaints."

The End