San Francisco's latest brunch concept, Chez Pump, may leave some foodies frankly flummoxed. While a simple umbrella on a street corner in a downpour may do the trick in Florida, this critic thinks the denizens of SF will turn up their noses at the paying the usual price tag for the chefs' displeasure.
Chefs Cookies 'N Cum and Queen let imagination do the work for appetizers, citing a chronic flour shortage for their reduced fare. Brunchers like Gloryhole didn't even bother to come in time to behold the first course As Light (And Substantial) As Air.
'It's honestly better for my figure,' opined Rocky Bowel Movement, proving you can fool some of the people all of the time. But Just Doesn't Get It was quick to note with disappointment that the entrees missed the usual neighborhood flair in Buena Vista. It was at this point in the meal that One Night Only exited post haste, proving some people still have some taste in this world.
The meal (or lack thereof) was only half of the problem. Due to current construction, diners were forced to crawl over barriers and through rocky cliffs in the dark to make their ways though the building. 'A full, sensory experience!' Cuming Mutha read off of the promotional advert he had brought with him. 'Bah!'
Worst Bottom Ever was quick to brag that all of the restaurants he had visited recently in San Diego were overflowing with customers. Despite the criticism, Hand Pump noted Worst Bottom Ever was happy to take advantage of the restuarant's No Pants, Full Service Policy.
The dessert course consisted of cheese and crackers served on a bucket, which Just Spencer felt was fitting of a restaurant he had discovered via Reddit. Boner Marrow reminded everyone to give the chefs a healthy tip, and he slipped something in Muff Daddy's pants to prove his point. As the cleaning crews came in, Hoseblower and Just Susan found refuge in the still open bar, which as always, is Chez Pump's sole redeeming feature.
Do Her Well
SF Hash Critic