SFH3 Run #2135
: 04/10/2023
: Bocana and Holly Park Circle
: Fucker
: Do Her Well

"Order! Order!" The Honorable Judge Fucker banged his gavel. "Bailiffs, bring the defendant forward!"

Do Her Well and Boner Marrow led One and Done towards the bench.

"Do you, sir, swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Hand Pump?"

"Um, I do," One and Done frowned. "Although that's a kind of a big commitment, isn't it?"

Fucker ignored him. "Tuna, where do you want to begin questioning?"

"Right here in Holly Park, your honor," she replied. "One and Done, where were you on the night of July 16th, 2018?"

"Right here! Right here!" he jumped up and down. "Except covered with spiders. And Sleazy was there! And Cuming Mutha was there! And Circle Jerk was there too! And there were soooo many spiders."

Wash This Asshole had begun snoring gently in the juror's box, but Fuck Buddy poked him as One and Done began miming spider shapes with his fingers. Cockulus Oculus was frowning, trying to figure out how much she should be getting down in her stenographer's notes. Muff Daddy had no such qualms and had just gone all on the arachnid aspect for his courtroom sketch.

"Funny, because no one else remembers this... but you!" Tuna turned back towards him. "Where is your evidence?"

"Ah, yes, I'd like to call to the bench-- Slug!" One and Done waved her up towards Fucker.

"I don't think that's allowed?" Tuna wondered.

"Not like there are any better ideas," Fucker replied with a shrug.

"Yeah, the evidence..." Slug smirked self-deprecatingly. "You see, I thought I had it with me, but suddenly Dickweed farted. And I decided to go into a port-a-potty ('That's with an A!' piped up Hoseblower) rather than stay on trail behind him. And I remember hearing a big plop. So when I left, I looked around myself, and I didn't have the evidence. I would have gone back except Gobble My Ass was running the other way, so I decided to follow her. But it wasn't the right way, anyway."

"So you're saying you left the only evidence to figure out this entire conundrum in some port-a-potty?" One and Done gasped.

"No, it's definitely at home," Slug replied. "But I only remembered that later."

"So there's no evidence at all?" whispered Screaming Orgasm to Blackout, as she scribbled notes for the true crime novel she was working on. The earlier cases had been duds, any thunder Cum Test Dummy might have had for her ski accident had been stolen by Gwyneth Paltrow.

"Are there any other witnesses?" Tuna asked One and Done. He looked at Gloryhole, who shrugged, and looked at SeXXX-ray, who shrugged and looked at Masterbaster, who shrugged and got another beer.

"Well, let's have the verdict," decided Fucker. Just Todd poked Just Doesn't Get It, who took his face out of a massive bush long enough to scribble something on a piece of paper.

"I don't know what you really want me to do about this?" Fucker asked the group. "We didn't even get a hung jury."

"I can jump in!" offered Five Angry Inches.

"Wait!" Bloqueen cried suddenly from the back of the room. "Wait, I've found it!"

"Well?" asked Fucker expectantly. Bloqueen was tapping on his phone and muttering.

"Here it is," One Night Only announced, presenting a piece of paper that was wrinkled, dingy, and covered on one side by the hash shit. But on the other side were grey, streaked letters, that if read aloud might have been a hash trash.

"Let it be read into the record," Tonya Hardon announced. "As the trash states, '“Good god, Captain!” Sleazy Like Sunday Whoring’s cry resonated through the flight deck. “The arachnids!” She paused. "That's weird, it also says we are in space."

"Nevermind!" One and Done cried triumphantly. "Proof that I wasn't hallucinating! Or at least, not about that."

"The prosecution resets," Tuna sighed.

"Not quite," Fucker chided her. "Next on the docket-- our virgin, Just Jared. Bailiffs!"

The End